Our minds are working all the time (let’s hope so, anyway). The problem is that, as we have said before, the mind can be our greatest ally or our worst enemy. Sometimes we fail to succeed in our careers, or don’t even know what to do next, and the problem has nothing to do with work. It’s that our mind is somewhere else, busy with unproductive thoughts that only drain the energy we need to keep moving forward.
We are what we think, and we act according to how we think. So is our thinking really focused, or do we need to adjust it?
There are plenty of thoughts that only serve to wear you out and sabotage yourself in every area of your life. The good news is that every single one of them can be changed if we become aware of them and work on it.
Some of you may be wondering at this point: what does the mind have to do with professional success, business or finance?
The answer is simple. The mind is so damn twisted that a single rotten thought can spoil any decision we make. What’s more, great entrepreneurs and great investors have probably made the worst decisions of their careers because, at some point, they had an outside problem that ended up poisoning their ability to make good decisions at work.
So what are these toxic thoughts that we spend more time on than we really should?
If I had to pick the most important ones, the ones where people get stuck the longest and that can even push you into a kind of depressive state where you can’t move on and everything looks bleak, they would be these:
1. Old wounds from the past.
The past, with its joys and headaches, has made you the person you are today. That’s what the past is for; you have to let it go. The past is a memory, not a place to live. I suppose we all have painful memories, but as Marc Chernoff said in one of his posts, some memories from the past we will always carry as scars, and scars are a sign of healing. Let the wounds heal and move on.
And I’m not only talking about the distant past. Personally, I would add even the most recent past.
The first time it felt like the world was falling on top of me was after a heartbreak. By heartbreak I mean that feeling of being in love with someone, being in a relationship with them, and then that person deciding to end it. I was 23, and although I’d had my heart broken before, I never imagined that something like that could sink me so low at that stage of my life.
I imagine most people have been through something similar: not feeling like doing anything, going to work like a vegetarian zombie, not enjoying yourself when you go out with friends, being unable to get that person out of your head, and after 20 days, spending the weekend at home because you’re so bitter that it’s the only thing your body is asking for.
Everyone tells you to go out, have fun, that it will pass, and that the sooner you accept it, the sooner you’ll get over it… but it’s so hard…
Then you have a talk with someone who doesn’t mince words and tells you: “Go out and pretend you’re having fun. Given how dumb you’re proving to be, you might even fool yourself and start having a good time.” And honestly, of everything that person told me that day, that was the kindest and most polite part. In fact, they spoke to me in such a way that my anger outweighed my sadness and bitterness. But they were right: why keep suffering over something that wasn’t coming back? Accept that it’s over and get ready to start again.
That experience worked like a vaccine. Over time, when it came to heartbreak, no matter who left whom, I learned to be as right as rain within 72 hours at most.
Ever since, I have followed one motto in matters of the heart: if heartbreak passes sooner or later anyway, why waste more than three days on something that is sure to pass? So you have to accept the reality that something is over in order to start again. Apply that to any area of life.
(See: How to get over a breakup in 72 hours)
2. Fears.
Someone once said: “I only have one fear, and that is the fear of being afraid of something.” Fears are what hold us back in most areas of our lives. And the sad part is that you can’t run away from them. The only way to fight them is to face them.
Are you afraid of public speaking? Then speak in public until the fear goes away. Are you too shy to start a conversation with a stranger? Then talk to strangers until the shyness goes away.
Richard Branson says he has turned every fear he has had throughout his life into a challenge. In fact, he would throw himself body and soul into practising the things that scared him until the fear disappeared. Today we often see him doing all kinds of extreme sports, the very same ones that terrified him years ago.
At other times we are afraid of what might happen, and it’s the fear itself that makes it happen, because we hand control over to it.
There will always be fears, whatever you set out to do. To move forward, the only thing that sets some people apart from others is their ability to face their greatest fears. That is what moving forward means.
(Read: 8 proven tricks to overcome fear and anxiety)
3. What other people think of you.
Did you know that many entrepreneurs start their own business only because they would like to impress others with their potential success? Other people choose a particular profession not because they like it, but because it is more highly regarded, and they think it will help them impress others.
But the truth is that this mental competition to impress other people usually ends badly, because in the end we are only competing against ourselves.
The fact that other people are doing something doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for us.
As Steve Jobs put it, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” Live the life that feels right to you and do what you really want to do. Some people with no life of their own to pay attention to will adore you or criticise you, but in the end, you are the one who decides whether you are happy with the life you are living and with what you are doing.
Remember that some people will criticise you for who you are, and others will adore you for exactly the same reason. Many people don’t see it right now, but when you start doing things purely for yourself, and not for the image you want to project to others, life starts to look very different.
Further reading
Featured image: Acediscovery, CC BY 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
