If there’s one thing we should be clear about, it’s that life will never run short of problems or situations that knock us out for a while. We had problems at 15, at 18, at 25… but, curiously, when you look back, the problems that seemed to be drowning you as a teenager weren’t as serious as the ones you face today.
And I suppose that when you’re 70 and look back, today’s problems won’t seem so serious either. In the end, it comes down to the perspective and philosophy we bring to difficulties.
Relationship problems, work problems, business failure, one-off problems with people, or perhaps all of the above at once.
See also: 5 things to remember when you feel trapped, stuck, empty and without purpose
Step 0.
When you feel you can’t take any more, that you’re exhausted, sad, depressed, angry and nothing makes sense, take off your clothes and stand naked in front of the mirror. Take out your smartphone and snap a selfie. Now upload the photo to social media.
OK… if you can’t bring yourself to do something that stupid, the good news is that you’re not really that bad, and your problem has a solution 🙂
1. Wake up.
Sometimes it seems we’re living a nightmare, and the best way out of a nightmare is to wake up. If you have to, slap yourself a couple of times and shout at yourself: “Wake up!!!” It’s the first step toward facing the reality and scale of the problem.
2. Identify the feeling.
It may sound silly, but sometimes we don’t feel well and don’t know exactly why. Am I really angry, or am I actually sad, depressed, desperate, tired, stressed…? This is probably the best step toward finding the solution later on.
3. Don’t take comfort in other people’s suffering.
Some people’s therapy consists of looking at their neighbors or friends so they can say, “Well, they’re as bad off as I am, or worse.” Frankly, I couldn’t care less how other people are doing. I want to be well, so that’s no consolation to me.
4. Don’t bottle up your emotions.
This doesn’t mean going around bending everyone’s ear, but try to talk about it with someone you trust. Cry with them if you need to. When it’s sadness, crying sometimes helps let the negative emotions out. But don’t expect that person to be able to help you beyond giving you a hug.
If, on the other hand, it’s anger, don’t hold that in either: pound a punching bag or exercise until some of that anger is released.
5. Don’t drink.
Not much more to say: if you drink to cope with your sorrows, you end up a sorry drunk, and the problems don’t go away; they grow.
6. Whose fault is it?
Let’s start from the premise that everything that happens around us is, in some way, our own fault. Even so, we need to identify the person, group of people or situation that is causing these feelings.
When everything seems to have gone to hell, as a rule it all stems from a single problem that ends up infecting everything else. You need to identify clearly where the problem lies. And don’t drag out the search for the epicenter of the problem too long, because it could lead to deep depression.
7. Avoid medication.
I’ve known mentally strong people who got into trouble. Those who immediately turned to medication didn’t end up very well. Those who had the balls to face the situation head-on came out stronger (pardon my language).
Right now there’s a big debate about medication for depression, as people question the effectiveness of a medication whose side effects include suicidal thoughts.
8. Remember that others have been through the same thing.
It doesn’t matter what’s happening to you. It’s 100% certain that others have been through the same thing and managed to get out. And they got out because they looked at it from a different perspective.
9. Understand that the pain doesn’t last forever.
It doesn’t matter how strong your feeling of drowning is, as long as you’re clear that the feeling is sure to improve with time. Unless your problem is that you’re dying, in which case it’s also certain that at some point you’ll stop suffering.
10. Pretend you’re fine.
Earlier we said to share your distress with one person; with everyone else, pretend you’re fine. In fact, it works better than you think. If you act as though you’re fine, if you act as though you’re having fun, there comes a point where you fool yourself and actually start to feel fine and enjoy yourself.
11. Do something for someone else.
It’s true that one of the greatest satisfactions you’ll find, and one that will bring you the most happiness, is helping someone less fortunate than you. Helping another person be happier helps your own happiness. It’s scientifically proven that sadness and negativity, like happiness, are contagious.
12. Draw out the lessons.
We can learn a lesson from every problem, and I’m not talking about pop psychology. Ask yourself what experience you can take from what’s happening to you, what it can teach you and, above all, how you can use it to come out stronger and wiser.
13. Even look for the bright side.
You’ve probably heard people say, “What seemed like the end of the world turned out to be the best thing that could have happened,” or people who say that going to prison wasn’t fun, but it was the best thing that could have happened to them. These usually aren’t words of consolation but the truth.
Great entrepreneurs agree that if they hadn’t been fired from their jobs, they probably would never have built the empires they ended up building. Every change arrives with a bang, where some see the end of the world while others see the beginning of a new one. Once again, it’s the perspective we choose to give the situation.
14. But don’t be the fool in the story.
Sometimes there are things that have no bright side however you look at them. So don’t play the fool. It’s a problem, and all you have to do is solve it if it can be solved, or forget it if it can’t.
15. Take time to remember the good things in your life.
Sometimes we give problems more importance than they really have: we have hundreds of things to be grateful for, and yet we’re focusing on a single problem. Focus is as important as perspective. Whatever you focus on is what ends up taking on importance.
16. Do something nice for yourself.
Treat yourself to something you haven’t had in a while: a massage, waxing, a haircut, a manicure, a new hair color, the movies… or all of them at once.
17. Set the alarm and carry on as normal.
Throughout the whole process, remember that every day is a new day, and every day we should start by doing something productive, do fun things and give meaning to our life. We should remember that problems don’t only happen to us. Everyone has problems, but maybe you haven’t noticed, because perhaps the same problem or situation you’re going through isn’t as serious for them as it is for you.
Be patient and work at being happy. Don’t focus so much on how miserable you are; focus on what really matters in life, because, as we said at the beginning, you’ll never run short of problems or happy moments in life.
As someone once told me: “Life is a gift you unwrap; whether you like that gift or not depends on your attitude toward it.”
Life is the sum of all the moments we live: moments of passion, hard moments, moments of sacrifice and pain, and very happy moments. But life is also like a book, where you have to keep turning the pages and not go back to reread the chapters you liked least.
It may seem easy or it may seem hard, but that’s how it is. So: focus, attitude and perspective.
See also: 3 things you think about too much that keep you from moving forward in life
Featured image: Nenad Stojković, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
