Some people radiate energy, happiness and confidence, no matter what they lack. Even the most sceptical people find themselves charmed by their personalities.
These individuals are often the best thing in other people’s lives. They are the ones others turn to for help, advice or companionship.
We can’t get enough of them, and we are left wondering: what makes them so irresistible?
The difference is that their sense of self-worth comes from within.
We are not going to talk about physical attractiveness; we covered that in a previous article, 16 ways to be more attractive. This time we are focusing on the appeal of personality.
Irresistible people are not constantly seeking validation, because they are secure enough in themselves. There are certain habits they practise every day to maintain this healthy outlook.
Being irresistible is not pure luck. Travis Bradberry, co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and president of TalentSmart, shares some of the habits of irresistible people so you can use them to your advantage.
1. They treat everyone with respect
Whether they are talking to their best clients or to the waiter taking their order, irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful. Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe no one is more important than anyone else, and that all people are equal regardless of their financial position, sex, race, religion and so on.
2. They follow the platinum rule
The golden rule of treating others as you would like to be treated has a flaw: it assumes that everyone wants to be treated the same way. It ignores the fact that people are motivated by very different things. Some people enjoy public recognition, while others hate being the centre of attention.
The platinum rule corrects that flaw. Irresistible people can tell what the other person wants, and they adjust their behaviour and style to make others feel comfortable.
3. They cut the small talk
There is no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than to stick to small talk. When you approach people robotically with small talk, it puts their brains on autopilot and stops them from feeling any kind of rapport with you.
Irresistible people create connection and find depth every day, even in brief conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and to relate what they hear to other important parts of the other person’s life.
4. They focus on people more than anything else
Irresistible people have a genuine interest in everyone around them. They don’t spend much time thinking about themselves. They don’t obsess over how they are coming across, because they are busy focusing on the people they are with. That is what makes their manner seem effortless.
To build this habit, try putting your phone aside and focusing on the people you are with. Concentrate on what they are telling you and on how your response will affect them. When people tell you something about themselves, following up with open-ended questions can draw them in further.
(Read: Leave things and people better than you found them)
5. They don’t try too hard to talk about themselves
Irresistible people don’t dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It is not that they are resisting the temptation to show off. The thought doesn’t even occur to them, because they know how unpleasant people are when all they do is brag about who they are or what they have.
6. They know the difference between fact and opinion
Irresistible people handle controversial and sensitive topics with grace and poise. They are not afraid to share their opinions, but they make it clear that these are opinions, not facts. Whether the subject is global warming, politics, vaccination schedules or genetically modified food, irresistible people recognise that plenty of people are smart enough to see things differently.
7. They are authentic
Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they will do next. They are like this because they know nobody likes fakeness.
People like authentic people because they know they can trust them. It is easy to resist someone when you don’t know who they really are or how they really feel.
8. They have integrity
Integrity is a simple concept but a hard thing to practise. To show integrity every day, irresistible people follow through, avoid speaking badly of others and do the right thing even when it hurts.
9. They smile
If you want people to find you irresistible, just smile. A simple smile opens all the doors that bitterness or sadness close. A smile is not only the great weapon of the charmer, but the best ally of anyone who wants to make a good impression.
10. They make an effort to look their best
There is a huge difference between being and looking presentable. Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look good is like cleaning your house before guests arrive: it is a sign of respect for others. But once they have made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it.
11. They find reasons to love life
Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They are never bored, because they see life as an incredible adventure, with a joy that other people want to be part of.
It is not that irresistible people have no problems, but that they see problems as temporary obstacles. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day, and they stay hopeful that tomorrow, next week or next month will be better.
Irresistible people have perfected certain attractive qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own.
They think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make people feel respected and understood. Just remember: the more you focus on others, the more irresistible you will be.
Further reading
- 25 habits of successful people
- 9 things you should know before you turn 30
- 4 things to give up to keep moving forward in life
Featured image: Miscellaneous Items in High Demand, PPOC, Library of Congress, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
