The old school of leadership will tell you that leaders and bosses can’t be friends with their people, because it can lead to favouritism.
The new school of leadership says there is a way to be friends without compromising relationships or undermining alliances. In fact, the new kind of leader takes an interest in people, listens to what is happening to them and cares about their motivation. This raises commitment, gets people to give their best, and strengthens the bonds between people in the organisation.
Leadership is all about relationships and the connections we make, as well as the friendships we create. So how can friendship and leadership coexist?
In fact, the two kinds of relationship have more in common than you might expect. Lolly Daskal, a consultant and CEO of a well-known firm that coaches business leaders, gives us some of the traits found along that fine line between friendship and leadership:
1. Altruism
Like friendship, true leadership involves selflessness and concern for the wellbeing of others. It can mean putting your people ahead of yourself, looking after the other person, or acting in a way that benefits someone else. It all comes down to bringing out the best in the people you lead and building bonds.
2. Honesty
Like friendship, true leadership has to be built on integrity, encouraging others to speak up and tell their truth. It means expecting leaders to be honest and frank (though not unpleasant) in their feedback and communication. When we are able to communicate honestly, we create a mirror in which others can see themselves, and so the relationship becomes better leadership and better friendship.
3. Loyalty
Both friendship and leadership are about devotion. Loyalty and faithfulness call on us to be steadfast and reliable. Loyalty demands responsibility and commitment.
See also: 4 differences between a leader and a mere manager
4. Trust
Like friendship, true trust in leadership means having confidence in others: the faith that if something goes wrong you will be there for each other, and the certainty that however badly you get it wrong or fail, you will never be left behind. Trust in leadership and friendship gives us someone to rely on.
5. Reciprocity
Like friendship, true leadership is give and take. It reflects the practice of sharing and exchanging, of knowing how to give and receive generously.
6. Compassion
Both friendship and leadership involve concern for the suffering of others. It is an attitude that calls on us to reach out when needed, to offer an attentive ear and be open when understanding is needed, all with sympathy, warmth and kindness. Leadership involves respect, and great friendship involves tenderness; in other words, opening your heart to others.
As C.S. Lewis said, friendship “is one of those things which give value to survival.”
As you walk the fine line between friendship and leadership, remember how important both are and how closely they are connected. Let’s cultivate these relationships so that they match our efforts and support our ambitions, valuing loyalty and honesty.
When we do this, the fine line between leadership and friendship will often become invisible.
See also: 10 things inspiring leaders do differently at work
Featured image: Kenneth C. Zirkel, CC BY 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
