Knowing how to listen is very important. It involves many aspects that we need to handle well to get positive results in our behaviour and our relationships with others. And contrary to what many people think, a good salesperson isn’t someone who talks non-stop, but someone who knows how to listen properly.
A recent study carried out at George Washington University showed that listening can account for up to 40% of a leader’s job performance.
So much happens at work that opportunities to listen well abound. We’re talking about giving information, explaining instructions and communicating deadlines. Beyond the spoken words, there’s very valuable information to be deciphered through tone of voice, body language and what goes unsaid.
In other words, not keeping your ears and eyes wide open could leave you out of the game.
Most people believe their listening skills are where they need to be, even though in most cases they aren’t. A Wright State University study surveyed more than 8,000 people from different companies, and almost all of them rated themselves as listening as well as or better than their co-workers.
Effective listening is something you can learn to master. Even if you lose focus when listening to something difficult, or in certain boring and unpleasant situations, that doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You just need to know what to work on. To that end, Travis Bradberry, author of the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, offers a few simple strategies.
1. Pay attention
The biggest mistake most people make when it comes to listening is that they’re so focused on what they’re going to say next that they stop listening to what’s being said to them. The words come through loud and clear, but the meaning is lost.
Paying attention may sound like a simple suggestion, but it’s not as easy as it seems. Your own thoughts can be incredibly distracting.
2. Put your phone away
It’s impossible to listen well and check your phone at the same time. And it’s also extremely rude. A quick glance at your phone or replying to a text message makes you miss the nuances of what you’re hearing.
When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on it. You’ll find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them. What’s more, active listening is a powerful tool for influencing others.
3. Ask good questions
People like to know you’re listening, and something as simple as asking a clarifying question shows not only that you’re listening, but also that you care about what they’re telling you. You’ll be surprised how much respect and appreciation you earn just by asking good questions.
As well as checking what you’ve heard, you should ask questions to draw out more information.
Examples of this kind of question are “What happened next?” and “Why did they say that?” The key is to make sure your questions really add to your understanding of the speaker’s words, rather than steering the conversation towards a different topic.
4. Practise reflective listening
The psychologist Carl Rogers used the term “reflective listening” to describe the listening strategy of paraphrasing the meaning of what’s being said, to make sure you’ve interpreted the speaker’s words correctly. By doing this, you give the speaker the chance to clarify what they meant.
When you practise reflective listening, you shouldn’t just repeat the speaker’s words back to them; you should also use your own words to show that you’ve absorbed the information.
5. Use positive body language
Be aware of your gestures, expressions and tone of voice (making sure they’re positive), because this will draw people towards you.
Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms and maintaining eye contact are all forms of positive body language used by great listeners. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation.
6. Don’t judge
If you want to be a good listener, you need to be open-minded. Being open-minded makes you approachable and interesting to others.
Nobody wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and isn’t willing to listen. Being open-minded is crucial in the workplace, where approachability means access to new ideas and help.
To eliminate preconceived notions, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes. This doesn’t require people to think you believe them or approve of their behaviour; it simply means you stop judging them long enough to truly understand what they’re saying.
7. Keep your mouth shut
If you’re not testing your understanding or asking a probing question, you shouldn’t be talking. Not only does thinking about what you’re going to say next distract you from the conversation, but interrupting shows that you think you have something more important to say.
This means you shouldn’t jump in with solutions to the speaker’s problems. It’s human nature to want to help people, especially when it’s someone you care about, but what many people don’t realise is that when we rush to advise someone or offer a solution without letting them finish, we shut the other person down.
Further reading
Featured image: Science Museum Group Studio, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
