Editor’s note: This article was first published in December 2018, written on New Year’s Eve 2018, and includes Christmas and 2019 New Year wishes to readers.
There are some life lessons you need to learn as soon as possible, because we don’t know what might happen tomorrow, but one thing is certain: life does go by. Most people neither live in the present nor are present in their lives. Life goes by with them, but they are missing the beautiful things it has to offer.
I know some of you are now thinking that I’m talking about everyone else and leaving myself out, which might sound arrogant or smug. I’m the first to admit that I have my faults and make mistakes, but I learned this particular mistake, this life lesson, a long time ago, so I’ll allow myself the luxury of leaving myself out. Unfortunately.
Do you know what someone in prison misses? Freedom. Being able to choose where to go whenever they want. Not being confined to a closed space. They don’t necessarily miss going to an exotic island or travelling to China. They miss having that coffee with a friend at any café in their neighbourhood, or going shopping at the supermarket round the corner. They even miss sitting on the grass in any park, doing nothing at all.
What does a sick person miss? Their health. They remember the days when they didn’t have to worry about fighting an illness. Now all their attention is on getting better. Any other kind of worry is a luxury they wish they could afford.
People who live in the mountains and can’t get down to the beach envy those who live on the coast. And the person on the coast may well complain about the humidity or the sticky summer heat.
When was the last time you were present?
In 20 or 50 years’ time you’ll look back and long for the days when you were young. Memories will come to mind that you’ll find beautiful in old age, but that today you don’t give any importance to.
We say we’re looking for serenity and calm in our lives, but we do it in a general way, not individually. In other words, we don’t do it moment by moment. And it’s moment by moment that serenity and calm are found.
That unremarkable walk with your boyfriend or girlfriend, your wife or husband. Those 30 minutes at the table with your family, with your parents, with your children. Moments of serenity in which, for one reason or another, you’re not present. You lose the beauty of moments that may not seem important to you. And they don’t seem important because you have them.
You go around looking for happiness like a lost treasure, when happiness is something you build moment by moment. That’s where happiness is: in the small events, in the small moments. That’s where the calm you’re looking for is, and the serenity you long for.
If you don’t appreciate those small moments, you don’t deserve the big events you think you’re missing.
When was the last time you lived in the present?
I’ll tell you a personal story that some of you already know. I lost my best friend, business partner and companion. A year before she passed away, she said to me: “Carlos, why don’t we take a break and go on a trip to disconnect?” I told her I’d love to, but that we were flat out at the time and it would be better to put it off until the following month. The next month we postponed the trip to another month. And so on. I never granted her that wish, even though I wanted to please her.
We had everything we needed to take a break. We had the desire. We had the time, but I counted on us also having a future, and I discovered that the future is uncertain. The only thing we have in this life is the present, and within the present, the present moment.
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If I could turn back the clock… the problem is that we can’t turn back the clock.
And do you know the funniest part? It’s the second time something like this has happened to me
My great-uncle always had a special fondness for me. I spent many summers on his farm when I was between 7 and 12 years old. I never saw him again, because whenever my family was going to visit him, I was busy. My family told me he always asked about me. He asked my parents for photos so he could see me. I always said I’d go next time.
A few years ago I was told he was in hospital. It was nothing serious. I was going to visit him in hospital one weekend, but I was told he would be discharged the following Monday. So I thought that, after so long without seeing him, since he was about to be discharged, it would be better to see him at home rather than in the cold surroundings of a hospital.
On Sunday I was told there had been a complication and he had died that very night. The day before, he had asked about me.
Why am I telling you this?
Apart from the obvious fact that the Christmas season brings this kind of thing to the surface, I’m telling you because it’s one of the life lessons I’ve learned in the hardest way possible.
And there’s nothing I can do to change that now. All I can do is learn the lesson and not make that mistake again. That’s why I’m now a version of myself that no longer postpones plans that could make other people happy. I no longer postpone my happiness to a future I don’t know whether I’ll have.
I live in the present. I enjoy every moment, literally. Even when I meet someone for coffee, I try to enjoy that moment to the full. I’m grateful for that moment.
If I feel like doing something, I do it, without giving a damn whether anyone approves or not. But careful: that doesn’t mean I’ve turned into a “carpe diem” type who doesn’t make long-term plans.
I’ve also learned to be very selective about the people I give my time to. Not just anyone will do anymore. If someone causes me problems, I don’t hesitate to remove them from my life so I can devote my time and energy to the people who really deserve it.
I’ve let go of the past, although I use it to draw lessons
And I no longer worry about the future. I could die tomorrow, hit by a bus. Who knows. I only worry about living the only thing I can live, and appreciating what deserves to be appreciated: the small daily moments. And since I started appreciating those moments, I’ve noticed my happiness rise to levels I never imagined.
I don’t waste much time getting angry with people. I’d rather spend that time being grateful for the good things other people bring me.
I focus only on the step I’m taking. I no longer worry about whether or not I’ll reach a goal, just about enjoying that step. Let’s be realistic: if I take that step properly and enjoy it, and do the same with the next one, I’ll reach my goals.
So that’s my wish for you for the coming year, 2019.
Live in the present. Live being present. Now, right now in this very moment, you are living the most real moment you will ever live, because tomorrow this moment will be a memory. That makes it easier to find peace and calm.
Happy holidays and happy New Year, dear readers.
A big hug!
Featured image: Matthew Paul Argall, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr.
