Editor’s note: This article was first published in January 2019 as a New Year piece for 2019. References to “this 2019” in the title and closing paragraph reflect that moment.
The most important person is you. And that isn’t selfish, because to be able to help others, you first have to help yourself and do things for yourself. Let me explain: even if you want to give money to someone, you first need to have earned money for yourself, because you can’t give what you don’t have. The same applies to happiness. You can’t make someone happy if you’re unhappy.
So, since we’re at the start of the year, which is when we all write a long list of resolutions that, for one reason or another, we never manage to keep, let’s at least try to make sure you do these things for yourself and for nobody else. Just for you.
6 things you should do for yourself
1. Make your own happiness a priority
For the reasons above, you should make your own needs your top priority. You should value yourself above everything else.
But be careful, because some people twist this point into something else. We’re not talking about becoming a “carpe diem” type who starts hitting everything that smells of partying or drinking because life is short and you have to enjoy it. Believe me, life is a lot longer than that, and it lasts longer than your body will hold out against certain excesses.
We’re simply talking about meeting your own needs so that you’re able to meet the needs of, and help, the people who matter to you.
2. Get rid of your labels
Divorced, separated, ill, depressed, disturbed [insert here the label you use to beat yourself up], and now delete it. We all wear the same label: “human”. It may sound repetitive, but we are not our past, and it doesn’t matter what happened yesterday. The only thing that really matters is where we’re heading today and what we’re going to do today to make what we want happen.
If you were rejected yesterday, you are not that rejection, but everything you can achieve with what that rejection taught you. If we want to set out on a road towards the future, we need to travel light.
We need to get used to the words “let go”, and letting go also means letting go of the labels that defined us yesterday. Let’s give ourselves a new definition. And if you can’t think of one for now, let’s start with “fighter”.
3. Learn to say no
I know we all know how to say no, but let’s actually do it. No to going to events we don’t want to go to. No to being in a place we don’t like. No to pleasing people who, if they disappeared, wouldn’t matter at all. And above all, say no to those toxic people who have control over your life.
Remember that the secret of success is to start by saying yes to almost everything (yes to opportunities, yes to collaborations, and so on) and then start saying no (no to distractions, no to whatever drains our energy). The same goes for our own lives.
In most cases, not saying no is like saying yes to a whole pile of things we don’t feel like doing.
4. Start putting passion into what you do
As I’ve explained in various videos and articles, if you can’t make a living from what you’re passionate about, try to become passionate about what you do for a living, because if you can’t manage that, it’s going to be hard to ever make a living from your passion. This is complicated to explain, and I promise to do so.
See also: I hope you don’t learn this lesson too late
I’m sure you already know the huge difference between empty fatigue and rewarding tiredness. One finishes you off, while the other renews you.
For those wondering what the secret to finding your passion is, the truth is that the thousands of cliché tips I’ve heard have never worked for me.
5. Forgive yourself for your bad decisions
I have to repeat this point, but even good people can hurt someone at some point in their lives through a bad action or a bad decision. You can’t carry that guilt around for the rest of your life. We all make mistakes. You too. Apologise to whoever you need to apologise to, forgive yourself and put the weight down. Don’t let it define you for longer than necessary.
6. And forgive others
Only people who clearly intend to change and improve. This isn’t a spiritual message or anything of the sort. It’s simply that I’ve often seen people of great worth never get a second chance because of a somewhat difficult past. If someone had believed in those people, they would probably have had the chance to change and get rid of those labels.
In the same way that we wouldn’t want to be remembered for one bad act, when we see a real intention to change, forgiving is the wisest thing to do, but, but, but…
I don’t want you to twist this either, because forgiving is one thing and handing someone a second bullet because the first one didn’t kill us is quite another. At least in my case, when someone has crossed the lines I warned them never to cross, I can forgive what they did, but from a distance.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means you accept what happened and move on with your life.
These are small changes we need to make in our lives, small changes in the way we think. Small actions that can bring big changes to our lives. A small beginning for 2019.
Further reading
- Hard truths you have to accept to succeed
- How to stop taking things as a personal attack
- 17 hard truths about life
Featured image: Photos public domain.com, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
