We have all felt unhappy at one time or another, but many people are unhappy almost all the time, or aren’t satisfied with themselves and their lives most of the time. In these cases, you can be quite sure that the cause of the unhappiness isn’t external. We bring about that lack of happiness ourselves.
The writer Jeff Haden believes that this excessive, permanent unhappiness comes from poisonous beliefs, or false beliefs that poison reality, and he has listed a number of these beliefs that stop you from being happy even when happiness is right in front of your face. We name some of them here and expand on them.
First of all, mistake number one is to pursue happiness as if it were a goal, when in reality it is simply a state of mind. (Read: Why you should stop trying to be happy)
1. You believe that professional success will bring you lasting satisfaction.
You can love what you do, and even love the company you work for, but nobody on their deathbed ever said as their last words: “I regret not spending more time at work.”
(Read: 5 things you may regret on your deathbed that you can fix today)
Professional success is very fleeting. You can’t tie your happiness to your job, because, above all when you work for other people’s companies, the job you love today may disappear tomorrow.
We find happiness rather in achieving something and knowing that it will carry on. For example, devoting time to raising wonderful children, being an active part of a family, knowing that you have helped others and changed some lives for the better.
So yes, work hard in business, but work just as hard at other things that one day you can look back on with a feeling different from pride.
The truth is that if work is the only thing that makes you happy, unhappiness will come calling before long.
2. You believe you can do anything.
Our parents and teachers, with the best of intentions, probably told us that we could be whatever we wanted to be in life. But that isn’t true. We can do incredible things, but we won’t be able to do everything we set our minds to. Genetics, temperament, our skills and talents, as well as the skills and talents of our rivals, play a very important part in why we can’t do just anything.
That’s why we need to identify a few of the things we can do exceptionally well and go for them.
The key is to know yourself and then work to get better, developing a varied set of small skills that we add to our main talents.
We all have strengths and shortcomings. If you don’t know your shortcomings, you have one of the worst shortcomings of all.
3. You are afraid of who you really are.
Most of us don’t like the way we look. That’s why we try to hide it with make-up, the right clothes and cars that we sometimes can’t afford.
In fact, some time ago we had a debate about a remark by an advertising executive who said that his business is built on unhappiness, because happy people don’t buy.
Think about it. All you have to do is look at a beauty magazine featuring a model with 3 kilos of Photoshop to feel fat next to her, even if you weigh 50 kg. If you compare yourself with the new physical ideal shown in magazines and on the catwalk, you won’t be comfortable with your appearance, even if you are naturally gorgeous.
And this unhappiness appears when we try to compare ourselves with others, because in a way we really project onto others what we see in ourselves.
Of course, if you weigh 240 kg, perhaps you should do something about it, not because of what other people think but for your own sake.
(Read: 16 ways to be more attractive)
In a way, I also think that many people aren’t happy because they aren’t living the life they once dreamed of, and in many cases it takes less work to complain than to fix it. If you decide to work on fixing it, you may succeed or you may fail, but while you are trying, at least you have hope and motivation, and you aren’t all sorrows and complaints.
Further reading
- 20 habits that will improve your life
- 14 scientifically proven ways to be happier
- 16 things you should know about life, success and happiness
- The power of positive thinking beyond the cliché
- 5 interesting lessons about happiness and entrepreneurs
Featured image: Edvard Munch, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
,_1892,_lot.52.jpg){kind=link}