Somewhere in our genes, human beings must still carry some of the instincts that our ancestors once used to avoid becoming prey for giant bears and all kinds of wild animals and predators.
Our ancestors survived all that, but even though humans are no longer in danger of being attacked by a bear or a lion (at least not every day), we keep looking for “ghosts” to be afraid of.
Fear has also evolved to the point where it is no longer used to survive, but to hold back our own progress. The fear and anxiety we once felt in the jungle now show up when we are seeking approval from others, and when we worry about what people will say if we fail at something.
These days, fear and anxiety only serve to sabotage our success in any field, so, drawing on a compilation by Drake Baer, here are some tips that we have adapted to the world of business and sales to overcome those fears, whether we are talking about our entrepreneurial instincts or our survival in the workplace jungle, or about a presentation or a negotiation.
1. Breathe deeply. It tells your nervous system that it can relax
You will have noticed that when someone is panicking, they are usually told to take a deep breath. The effectiveness of this simple advice is backed by science: deep diaphragmatic breathing is used to reduce anxiety because it activates the human body’s relaxation response.
Breathing deeply helps the body move away from the fight-or-flight response of the sympathetic nervous system towards the relaxation response of the parasympathetic nervous system.
It is similar to what we said about tricking our own brain by chewing gum to keep nerves at bay: when the brain sees that you are eating, it sends a relaxation response, because it understands that nobody stops to eat in the middle of a chase. In other words, take a deep breath and chew gum when you face stress, anxiety or panic.
(Read: 6 public speaking tips from the world champion of public speaking)
2. Expose yourself gradually to the things you fear
People can be afraid of things they have never done and on which they will be judged, and we are our own harshest critics. Do you want to feel comfortable in a negotiation? Do you want to feel comfortable giving a presentation or doing something in public? Psychologists recommend graded exposure therapy.
Suppose you are afraid of dogs. One way to lose that fear is to start by having a puppy near you, and then move on to stroking the puppy. At that point, stroking a dog is no longer unknown to you. Then we do the same with a bigger dog, and by repeatedly exposing ourselves to contact with the animal, the fear tends to disappear.
The same goes for everything else. If you want to learn to negotiate, you can start with small clients and insignificant amounts until you feel comfortable, and then move on to a big account.
Even those of us who already have long experience in sales don’t go straight for a giant when we start with an unfamiliar product, not until we have fully mastered what we are selling. Of course, over time you also realize that a sale depends mostly on you, not on the product in question.
3. Look for social support
People with good friends are much better at getting over the “traumas” that a divorce, a job loss or a painful event can cause.
And there is nothing better for losing your fear of an activity than surrounding yourself with people who do that activity every day. In other words, if you want to start a business, it will help to surround yourself with people who have their own businesses, because our mind will think: “If they can do it, so can I.” The same applies if you want to lose your fear of skydiving. Surrounding yourself with skydivers, or jumping together with an instructor, will loosen those fears and give you the courage you need to jump.
4. Once again: the importance of exercise for fear, stress and anxiety
Exercise helps the brain shake off depression, thanks to the endorphins we produce. It also helps your immune system. It raises your body temperature and helps people calm down.
In short, it helps you feel better, and therefore further away from feelings of stress and anxiety, two feelings associated with fear.
5. Channel the energy produced by anxiety and stress into something positive. Don’t destroy it
An old Harvard study found that the best way to deal with anxiety is not to stay calm, but to turn it into excitement.
Excitement produces arousal. And stress and anxiety? They produce arousal too, but it is better to feel excited than stressed.
They say energy is neither created nor destroyed, so if you are anxious and stressed before a presentation, channel that energy into being active and feeling alive. In their experiments, the researchers found that people who managed to turn anxiety into excitement tended to be better speakers.
(Read: Techniques for being a good speaker in meetings and presentations)
6. Don’t focus on the small square. Look at the big square
Feelings of stress and anxiety, and our fears, often come from focusing on just one thing that triggers them, which then ends up spreading to everything else.
Don’t look only at one problem. Look at everything else around you. It is often said that if we know how to look, all of us would find at the end of the day more reasons to be grateful than to complain. Depression makes its way in when we struggle to find those reasons to be grateful.
We all have lots of good things around us, so don’t focus on a single problem. And this applies to everything, because sometimes, to avoid doing something or taking a risk, we think only about all the things that would happen if it went wrong. Damn it, think about what would happen if it went right, too.
(Read: 10 words you should delete from your vocabulary)
7. Think positive
We have already talked about Barbara Fredrickson’s work and the importance of a positive mental attitude in our lives. And we are not talking about it in a spiritual sense or anything like that, but from a scientific point of view. Science says that if you think something bad is going to happen to you, it will happen, whereas if you stop focusing on the negative and think positive, you increase the chances that something positive will eventually come your way.
Positive thinking gives you some abilities that negative thinking cancels out. That is why, as someone once said: “Whether you think you are worth a lot or you think you are worth nothing, either way you are right.”
8. Realize that it isn’t the end of the world
You have to play down the possible consequences and be very clear that if you try anything and fail, the world will go on, your life will go on and you will have more chances. You will rarely make life-or-death decisions, so concluding that failure is an option and that the world wouldn’t end if you got it wrong is the best way to control fear and anxiety when taking risks.
See also: 9 common mistakes when speaking in public
Featured image: Krzysztof Wilk, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
