It’s all about knowing people better than they know themselves. And we don’t necessarily need to know the person, because there are traits, or psychological factors, that we can take advantage of, and which for some reason tend to work on the vast majority of people.
Whether we’re talking about doing business, working in sales or facing a job interview, let’s always try to keep these psychological factors in mind so we can use them in our favour and take advantage of them.
(Read also: 10 life lessons that go against popular belief)
1. Take advantage of how people remember
People tend to remember the first and last things or situations much more. If you have a job interview and you are among the first or the last to be interviewed, all else being equal with the other candidates, you increase your chances of being chosen. The psychological explanation is complex, but it holds true. To give an obvious example, they say you never forget your first love. And the truth is that you don’t forget it because it was the most important one (it rarely is), but simply because it was the first. And obviously, our last partner is the most recent one and therefore the one we have in mind.
Over the years I have personally seen that whenever I’ve had the chance to negotiate with a client and was the last to present my product, I always took advantage of it: I could rebut the arguments of all the companies that went before me and play on the fact that the “hurry factor” was gone, since nobody else was waiting. So in my case, I have always tried to be the last in a negotiation, and on many occasions I have walked out with the contract signed while the rest were told the client needed to analyse all the offers.
2. Put a mirror at the customer service desk
It’s a technique used by many American companies, because it has a psychological basis: if an unhappy, angry customer turns up and sees himself reflected in the mirror behind the person attending to him, he is less likely to behave irrationally. I insist: “it makes it less likely, it doesn’t rule it out”.
3. To get all the information
If you ask someone a question and they only answer partly (halfway), stay silent and keep eye contact. Unconsciously, that person will give us the rest of the information.
It’s usually a mistake to ask “…and what else?”, because we are handing them on a plate the typical answer: “No, that’s it… nothing else.”
4. A simple way to control your nerves before…
When you’re about to face a situation you know will cause you stress (speaking in public, a negotiation, an interview…), chew a piece of gum.
(Read: 9 common mistakes when speaking in public)
It’s an old trick that works better than we think, because it’s a way of fooling our brain. Our body is programmed to recognise stressful situations, and nobody running across a battlefield sits down to eat. So by chewing gum (or anything else), we send our brain a false signal that makes it think: “if there were danger, I wouldn’t be eating.” As a result, levels of adrenaline, serotonin, dopamine and the like go down…
But remember: throw the gum away before you walk into the room for a job interview, because chewing gum is among the most outrageous job interview mistakes.
5. Learn the language of the feet
Imagine you walk up to two people who are talking. How can you tell whether you’re really welcome in the conversation or whether you’re bothering them? They’ll never tell you, out of politeness.
Look at their feet. If, when they see you, they turn their torso but don’t move their feet in the same direction (or not by a proportional angle), it’s because they don’t really want you to join the conversation. Of course, it could be that they’re talking about something very important or a secret, and it doesn’t necessarily mean they have a bad impression of you.
See also: 18 signs your boss doesn’t like you
If you’re talking to someone and you notice their feet pointing more and more in the opposite direction while their torso stays where it was, it’s because they want to end the conversation now.
This part of body language is usually unconscious, but surprisingly visible if you watch it properly.
6. The first one to speak loses
This technique is well known to most people in sales: “in a negotiation, after the closing question, the first one to speak always loses”.
In other words, once you’ve explained the product and the price to the customer and they are half convinced, as soon as you ask, “How many units would you like me to send you, and to what address?”, the next thing to be heard must be the customer’s voice. It doesn’t matter how long or how uncomfortable the silence is. If the salesperson speaks, the customer will almost certainly back out.
The psychological explanation is that the moment of closing is the most critical point of the whole purchase or sale (for both customer and seller). So if the seller makes the mistake of putting words into that silence, the buyer unconsciously takes them as an “attempt at reassurance” or an “attempt to persuade”, and people’s natural reaction is to feel pressured. Our minds don’t like making decisions when they feel pressured, especially when money is involved.
7. Gain credibility with your words
Avoid saying “I believe that…”. Use “in my opinion…” instead. Your opinion may be interesting, but what you believe raises doubts, and the subconscious takes those small details into account.
(See also: 10 words you should delete from your vocabulary)
8. Don’t let them give you an excuse: hand it to them and the excuse disappears
Although this has appeared in a joke, it really is used in negotiations. The husband says to his wife:
– Darling, take an aspirin.
– What for? she asks.
– For your headache.
– But I don’t have a headache.
– Perfect, then let’s make love.
In a negotiation, identify the most likely excuses and get the other person to be the one who knocks them down. This is usually done by appealing to their ego and pride.
For example, to stop a business owner from giving you the excuse that he won’t buy from you because business isn’t going well, try to get him (out of business pride) to boast about how well his business is doing, and he will have to come up with a better excuse not to buy.
9. Save your effort
If you’re going to fight a group of three people, whether you have to fight the other two depends on how you deal with the first. In other words, if you identify the leader and finish him off in a truly horrific and painful way, the fight is over.
In a group negotiation, unless you’re negotiating with the Japanese, there is always a leader. Focus on him: win him over or neutralise him, but don’t let him wreck all your work at the end. Anyone who has had to deal with a residents’ association will know what I’m talking about.
10. People may forget what you told them, but they rarely forget how you made them feel
It applies very well to love, but even more to business relationships. If you are meeting a good client, try to make them feel as comfortable as possible and give them a pleasant experience. When they decide whether to buy, that pleasant feeling will weigh far more positively than studying all the figures we gave them. People do business with people they feel comfortable with. All else being equal, or even at a slight disadvantage, that positive mood will tip the balance in your favour.
Further reading
- Body language techniques that will help you in business
- 3 steps to staying calm under pressure
- 10 life tips you’ll be grateful for once you’re past 30
Featured image: Pascua Theus, CC BY-SA 2.5, via Wikimedia Commons.
