Editor’s note: This article was first published in September 2014; the context and any examples it describes reflect the time of writing and may have changed since.
Although this applies to almost every area of life, we are going to focus on business and careers, because, even if it is just a saying, the truth is that sometimes we look better with our mouths shut.
There’s a saying that goes: “before you set your tongue in motion, put your brain in gear”, and very often, once we have put our brain to work, we will conclude that silence is the best option. So in which situations is it better to keep your mouth shut?
1. When you have no idea what you’re talking about.
We are usually taught to be sociable in a meeting or among friends, and being sociable seems to mean joining in conversations and debates. But the truth is that there are many subjects we should stay out of when we know the topic in question is not our strength.
I never take part in a debate or argument where I know I could be torn to pieces, and I prefer to say plainly that I have no idea about the subject, words many people find hard to say. I’m aware that all it takes is saying one stupid thing while convinced you know what you’re talking about (because someone told you, because you read it, because you heard it…) to lose credibility on the subjects where you really are an expert.
2. After asking a question.
When you ask someone something or ask for their opinion on a matter, let them finish. I hate people who ask you something and don’t let you finish the answer. It’s terribly bad manners and shows you are a disrespectful person. What’s more, people who ask and don’t listen to the answer tend to miss the chance to learn.
3. When someone else is talking and says something wrong or attacks you.
You have to learn from people who are good at debating. They note down the points (on paper or in their head) and wait for the other person to finish before telling them where they were wrong or what is incorrect in their argument. That way you have a better chance of demolishing their arguments calmly and coolly, without looking hysterical.
Knowing that most people can’t keep their composure, I used to use a trick at business meals when I was dining with a client and someone from the competition (my rival). I would wait until my rival had his mouth full to attack his weak points, and the poor man, with his mouth full and eager to defend himself, not only committed the bad manners of interrupting me but also the discourtesy of talking with his mouth full, and sometimes you couldn’t even understand what he was saying.
4. After the closing question in a sale.
It’s no myth: “in a closing question, whoever speaks first always loses”. Once you have made your case and dealt with the objections, it’s time for the closing question, which usually varies with the type of sale. Say you ask: “So, shall we sign the contract and send you the product?” It doesn’t matter how long the customer takes to answer. If you dare to add one more argument while the customer hesitates, the customer won’t sign. And this is one of the universal truths of selling.
5. When someone is being recognised for their work.
If there is a meeting at the company and they are talking about the good work or performance of a colleague or boss, keep your mouth shut, however you feel about that person. Anything you say, under your breath or out loud, can only come from envy. And even if it didn’t, everyone else would see it that way. So it doesn’t matter what it is; what matters is what it looks like.
6. When you want to steer the conversation towards the topic you want to talk about.
There is an expression that says: “If you don’t like what they’re talking about, change the conversation.” The truth is that this belongs in negotiation, while in a group it’s disrespectful. A very common example:
- We went to France on our honeymoon, France is so beautiful, we stayed at…
- Speaking of France, did you see the match the other day and that goal they scored against them?
I suppose more than one of you has seen conversations take turns like this.
7. In a job interview.
It’s called an interview because, in principle, you are the one being interviewed. In other words, you answer only when you’re asked. Hard as it is to believe, many people interrupt interviewers, and with some interviewers, who already had their script and steps laid out, all we do is make them nervous. And because we make them nervous, they don’t like us. And because they don’t like us, goodbye job offer.
8. When it’s none of your business.
A group may be gossiping about something at the company, or running down someone you don’t know very well. Stay out of it, because it has nothing to do with you, and it isn’t something those people should be doing either. Always remember that people aren’t measured by how others talk about them, but by how they talk about others.
9. When you notice you’re boring people or making them uncomfortable.
Honestly, I don’t think anyone who holds down a job is so stupid that they can’t tell when they’re making someone uncomfortable or boring them. People’s gestures are a goldmine of information, from a forced smile to a look that says a lot. We don’t need to check whether a smile creases the forehead to know if it’s genuine or fake. You can simply tell. You also have to understand the language of the feet. We covered all of this in our article 10 psychological factors in people we can use to our advantage.
10. When it comes to politics and religion.
The mere fact that there is a political debate where some defend one party and others defend the other already says a lot about the quality of the debate and the amount of nonsense that will be said without any need for you to join in.
As we have said more than once, few people ever realise that when it comes to politics and religion, their beliefs and their grounds for them are usually mistaken and unfounded. What’s more, almost everyone acts like an expert when in fact they are making the mistake we mentioned in point 1.
Further reading
- 10 words you should delete from your vocabulary
- 5 phrases to avoid at work so you don’t come across as insecure or inferior
Featured image: unknown author, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
