Editor’s note: This article was first published in October 2012. This satire is tied to Spain’s 2012 crisis: the austerity debate, around 500 protests a month, bailout talk under Mariano Rajoy and jabs at former prime minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero.
Spain is heading who knows where. There’s still no growth policy and we keep talking about austerity, so today we bring you 5 business ideas that could be very profitable in the Spain that lies ahead if our leaders don’t get their act together.
Mind you, as the saying goes, “put a brave face on bad times”, so today we’re allowing ourselves to add a touch of humor to our ideas, although, honestly, they’re not all that funny. But who knows… maybe one of them could turn into something.
1. Renting and selling small boats (“pateras”).
We Spaniards have experience in this area, since our coasts receive, almost daily, small boats packed with people looking for a better life in our country. If jobs keep sliding, Spaniards will have to leave their own country. And since some European Union countries seem to be debating whether to “lock” their borders so that people from the countries hit by the crisis can’t “invade” their labor market, Spaniards will have to look for a country whose people have more purchasing power than Spain’s. So Spanish entrepreneurs could find opportunities in Ethiopia, Somalia, the Horn of Africa, and so on… Renting and selling these boats could be one of the profitable businesses of the new Spain.
2. Selling innovative protest banners.
At 500 protests a month and counting, the banner business could also be very profitable. As we’ve all seen, protesters use anything they can find to write their message on. It’s high time to bring some style to it. We could sell the fabric for the banners, and the more innovative protesters could use electronic banners, so that a single display could carry thousands of messages.
The problem with this idea is that riot police could smash the electronic banners, which brings us to our next idea.
3. A riot police academy.
Judging by what we’ve seen, the riot police profession is sure to have a bright future, because people will keep protesting on even days in the first half of the month and on odd days in the second half.
Some of you may have noticed that certain riot officers have aggression problems. Maybe some of them weren’t breastfed as babies, or maybe they were humiliated at school. The entrepreneur who decides to open this academy won’t be able to change the past of these people who hit and hit anything that moves, but we can teach them a degree of ethics and how to channel that strength against more serious threats.
4. A school for politicians.
You have to admit the crisis stems from poor political management, and now that the crisis is here, it isn’t being managed properly either. I know, there are already university programs in politics, but clearly something isn’t working, so we could apply a system based on the old saying “spare the rod and spoil the child”.
Mr Zapatero (José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero, Spain’s prime minister until 2011), write “Yes, there is a crisis” 100 times on the blackboard.
Now you, Mr Mariano (Mariano Rajoy, his successor), write 100 times that word you find so hard to say: “BAILOUT”, and don’t go anywhere. Write “I will not break my election promises again” 200 times.
5. Job hunter.
We’re not talking about headhunters or job boards. Finding a job in Spain will end up reminding us of the treasure hunters of old. In fact, if things carry on like this, one day anyone who claims to have seen a job will be locked up in an asylum. It will be like seeing a UFO. That’s why the job hunter will be a very well-paid professional, provided they actually find a job, of course.
And those are today’s ideas. If you came here looking for our usual (more serious) ideas, you’ll find plenty of them in our other business ideas articles.
Featured image: Ben Sutherland, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr.
