I suppose most of you have heard that the perfect negotiation is one in which both sides come out equally ahead by reaching a shared benefit. In theory, that is how negotiations should work. In practice, that textbook case is probably quite rare: when the two sides differ in size, one of them will almost always want much more.
The great business people who have made themselves multimillionaires have shown over time that they did not grow their wealth by negotiating for the good of both sides, but for their own good.
1. The high ground always wins.
In the army, if the enemy surrounds you from higher ground and in greater numbers, you know you are at a disadvantage and will have to give way. The same happens in business: if you are going to negotiate with a giant, it already knows what it wants and how far it is willing to go.
There are very common situations in which you have a lot to lose if the negotiation does not succeed, and a lot to gain if it does, while the outcome makes no difference to the other side. Imagine sitting down with Buffett to negotiate a €100,000 deal. For you it is a world; for him it is small change.
It is often said that in negotiations, as in poker, if you don’t know who the sucker at the table is, it’s you. In those cases it is better to accept that you are the sucker and try to do the best you can.
Besides selling yourself in the present, sell yourself in the future. In other words, don’t sell only the person you are today or the business you have today. Sell what you will be tomorrow.
In any negotiation, empathy and warmth towards the other person also close deals once they are clear that the product is what they are looking for.
(Read: 15 habits of successful salespeople)
2. Negotiation starts with a NO.
Imagine you go to your boss to ask for €100 more a month, and he immediately replies: “Yes, no problem.” You will probably leave the office tormenting yourself with one simple question: “He said YES very quickly. If I had asked for 200 or 300 euros more a month, would he have given me that too?”
In a negotiation between companies, a “YES” that comes too fast may close the deal, but you may later get a call announcing a disagreement, from a counterpart who is no longer convinced and hopes to renegotiate the terms.
In any negotiation, never say YES straight away. And at the other end, always be clear about the limit you are willing to go to.
In short: in every negotiation, always ask for more than you want and always offer less than you are prepared to give.
(Read: 6 myths about great salespeople)
3. Negotiating power is in your head.
The person who believes they have less to lose is the person with the greatest advantage in a negotiation. A very common technique is not to show too much interest in closing the deal, because wherever there is interest there is desperation, and therefore an opportunity to squeeze.
See also: An FBI agent’s four life lessons that apply to business
That is why, depending on the kind of deal or agreement involved, it is advisable to investigate thoroughly any hidden interests behind the other side’s interest in the deal, as well as the possible benefits they would gain from it.
Perhaps the person we are negotiating with, who seems passive and indifferent, is actually backed into a corner at their company and needs our product or business to get through.
In any case, on equal terms, the negotiating power and influence we have over the other person lies in our own belief in our abilities. Of course, if we are negotiating with Google or Apple, the person who comes to negotiate with us will clearly have more confidence in their negotiating power.
4. The secret of great negotiators is knowing people.
Is your wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend special or mysterious? They’re not; in fact, they’re very simple. I know everyone wants to think they are very special, or that they know someone very special who is unlike anyone else, but the truth is that we all act on the same instincts (without exception). We all act on certain emotions or feelings, such as sex, anger, rage, ambition, revenge and so on, and that can make us predictable, and therefore simple.
That is why marketing techniques keep working even on people who don’t believe marketing works. Most people couldn’t properly explain why they are Catholic or Muslim, or why they feel more sympathy for certain politicians, and yet they want us to believe they are capable of deciding for themselves on other matters.
Great negotiators know that they can fall prey to natural human instincts, just as they know that those instincts are a great weakness in the person they are negotiating with.
The best way to start getting to know people so you can negotiate successfully is to do it in small circles of family and friends.
Have you ever gone to the cinema with your partner and watched the film they wanted to see rather than the one you wanted? That was the instinct to please others. There is nothing wrong with doing it as a couple, where supposedly you have to give way for the relationship to work, but this instinct is also present in negotiations, especially if you fall prey to other instincts at the table, such as the liking you feel for the other person, or even desire if she is an attractive woman. Sometimes you never quite work out why you gave the other side such good terms. In the end you console yourself by thinking it was because they are a very good person, but sometimes you were simply the fool who got drawn into the other person’s mind games.
So get to know people. They all share many traits, habits and instincts, but get to know yourself as well, so you know which instincts expose your weaknesses.
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