Editor’s note: This article was first published in June 2014, and the author gives his age as 34 as of that year.
We have already shared 10 life tips with your thirties in mind (personal, financial and professional). Now let’s look at what we should avoid doing in the first 30 years of our lives, based on my own experience and that of some people I respect and admire. I will not go into money matters, so as not to repeat myself about not taking on debt and not spending indiscriminately; I assume those points are already very clear to our readers.
1. Get rid of certain biases as soon as possible
We are all born biased by where we are born and the kind of upbringing we receive. In other words, we start out with religious, cultural and even political biases. And there is nothing wrong with being Catholic or Muslim, as long as you know you have chosen that religion for yourself.
When we published Geoffrey James’s 9 truths about life, one of them said:
“Never argue about people’s beliefs. Most people think their beliefs are objective facts, when in reality people interpret the facts according to their beliefs. It does not matter whether we are talking about religion or politics. It is enough to know that their beliefs, and probably ours too, are unfounded and not at all objective.”
Remember that if you had been born somewhere else in the world, you would almost certainly believe in something else. You might now be worshipping a cow as your great Almighty God, or dancing a rain dance to end the drought in August.
In short: start being intelligent and having your own thoughts and ideas as soon as possible. Your intellect will thank you.
(Read: 3 ways your mind tricks you into not moving forward in life)
2. Avoid drugs, tobacco and alcohol
Many people say it is good to experiment with certain drugs when you are young, as long as they do not get control over you. As for drugs, throughout my life I have known good, very talented people who have flushed their lives down the toilet with drugs. In the best case, you will try them, damage your health and give them up. You will have experienced… “nothing”. In the worst case, you will fool yourself and the drug will end up controlling you.
See also: 5 things to remember when you feel trapped, stuck, empty and lost
Alcohol is the most socially accepted drug, and the most harmful drug, according to studies. Only a sober person is able to see how pathetic those who have to drink to have fun really are. Alcohol consumption has soared among young people, so the number of people who will have problems with alcohol in the future will rise dramatically. As for tobacco, at 20 it is easy to quit, while from 30 onwards it is part of your routine and it will be terribly hard to give up. The smartest thing, of course, is never to try it.
3. Avoid limits, or not
It is not true that you can do anything you want. That sounds nice in motivational quotes on Facebook, but it is not true. Of course, we also need to challenge those limits to find out whether they really are limits or limitations we impose on ourselves. In my case, I know what I am good at and what I am no good at. I know I could improve some of the things I am not good at, but honestly, the time I would have to spend on them is not worth it, so I prefer to focus on the things I do well. That does not stop me, at 34, from continuing to experiment and learn all kinds of new things. Still, it is when you are young that you should take all kinds of risks and fight for what you believe in.
4. Avoid the fear of the word “no”
In every field and area of life, many people are afraid of getting “no” for an answer. The sooner you learn that “no” is what you already have beforehand, and what you will always have if you do not ask, the better. If you like a girl, tell her. If you would like to pitch a project to someone but think that person is too big for you, find out. It is not about getting used to rejection, but about trying to improve your skills so that the next “no” becomes a yes.
5. Avoid platonic love
What is called platonic love is just a collection of excuses for why two people are not together, and it wrecks their lives. When two people want to be together, they are together. Full stop. If they are not together, it is because at least one of them is not willing to make the sacrifices needed to be together.
I have known many people who did not enjoy what others could offer them because their minds were elsewhere. I had a friend who for 10 years was in love with a married man, telling herself that “our relationship can’t happen because he’s married, but one day he won’t be”. And so it was, but unfortunately for her, when he was no longer married, he started a relationship with another woman. I used to call my friend “Holy Week”, because anyone who tried to have a relationship with her ended up carrying a cross, taking lashes and suffering. That brings us to the next point.
6. Avoid clinging to the past or the future
Our life is like a book. Our book is made up of experiences and people who appear one day and probably will not be there another day. Our mission in life is to keep turning the pages of that book. The same happens when someone clings to a past situation: “I used to have a lot of money.” Well, congratulations, but now you don’t. Accept it: you will have to earn that money again.
Other people are so obsessed with what the future holds that they forget to enjoy the present and shape their future.
7. Avoid anger
I do not believe in karma, but the Buddha is said to have once said: “Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Live in peace. If you have a problem with someone, sort it out, the nice way or the “not so nice” way, but reach a state of peace. Your health will thank you. In my view, there is nothing wrong with the weight of your anger falling on someone immediately, but living with anger permanently… no.
8. Avoid sinking
No matter what, and no matter who. Life is for enjoying, not for suffering, and your twenties will never come back. It does not matter if you have no job or if your high school girlfriend has left you. The first time a girl left me I was 15, and it felt like the world was falling on me. The second time I was 18, and I did not take it too well, but the world was no longer collapsing. Over time I learned from experience that matters of the heart pass sooner or later, so why waste more than 10 minutes of my life suffering over something I know will pass with time?
It may sound like a cliché, but it is true that I now tend to see sad endings (in any area of life) as an opportunity for a new, happy beginning.
9. Avoid the habit of giving up
Giving up or fighting on is a habit, and we can acquire it in childhood by dropping some tasks when they get difficult. Always try to finish whatever you start. If you do it when you are young, you will keep doing it when you are older. Not only will you achieve more successes, you will feel more fulfilled, gain self-confidence and earn credibility with others. There are few better things than being able to tell someone: “I always finish what I start, or I give it everything trying.” Especially when it is true.
10. Avoid toxic people
Toxic people can come in many forms. Some show up as friends who bring nothing to our lives and can even harm us in every way. Other times they come in the form of professional relationships or co-workers. Always surround yourself with the best, with people who bring you something positive and from whom you can learn as much as they learn from you.
Further reading
- 10 money and finance tips to follow before you turn 30
- One of the best pieces of business and career advice I ever received
- 6 advantages other people can “unfairly” have over us
- 7 incredible lessons for success
Featured image: Luiz Sousa, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr.
