We all have problems, but we don’t really have as many as we sometimes make ourselves believe. A few months ago I wrote about how to cope with the worst moments of your life, where we talked about pinning down exactly what we were feeling: rage, anger, sadness…
In the same way, as a general rule, when it seems the universe is conspiring to make life difficult for us, most of the time it’s just one problem that is clouding our vision and making everything look like a problem. In other words, a single problem can often make it look as if there are hundreds of them.
Since real problems do exist (even if there are very few of them), let’s look at the only kinds of problems we’re going to experience in life, so we can identify them and then either tackle them or let them go.
First, we split problems into two groups
1. The 99% that aren’t problems.
They may look like problems, but they aren’t. Sometimes they’re just stories we spin in our own heads, because human beings, counterintuitive as it sounds, feel comfortable living in chaos as a way of explaining why they aren’t happy.
This group would include: “my girlfriend/boyfriend left me”, “the girl/guy I like doesn’t call me”, “I argue with my boss”, “my kids don’t understand me”. Why aren’t they problems? Because they are situations almost everyone goes through. They are circumstances that may hurt us more or less, but they are part of life and ultimately make us the people we end up becoming, and they often give way to a better version of ourselves.
In other words, and without wanting to sound like a cliché… when your partner leaves you, it hurts today, but tomorrow you meet someone else and you’re glad to be with that person, and glad your previous relationship ended.
Other people never quite come to terms with it. They can’t accept that someone no longer wants to be with them, and so they turn it into a problem. But in this case, the problem isn’t that you’ve been left; it’s your ability to withstand one of life’s setbacks.
2. The 1% that really are problems.
The real problems in life arrive unannounced on any ordinary day. You don’t see them coming, and they bring you straight to your knees. Clearly, we mean things like an accident or a visit to the doctor that ends in bad news… the death of a loved one, or having to spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair.
The truth is, when someone has lived through problems from this 1%, the ones in the 99% stop mattering.
But let’s also include not having any money, having spent 20 years in a job you don’t like, living in a dangerous place, and so on.
But… we would split this kind of problem into two more groups.
A. The ones that have a solution (90%).
B. The ones that have no solution (10%).
Some problems have no solution. If a loved one dies, there is nothing you can do to bring them back. Some people sink, and some people keep going, because that is what their loved one would have wanted.
See also: 10 toxic behaviours that are ruining your life
When we run into this kind of problem, there’s no point dwelling on it. All we can do, and in fact the healthiest thing, is to get on with our lives.
(Read: How to find the upside of life’s painful changes)
But if a problem has a solution, we should focus on the solution and not on the problem, because if it has a solution it isn’t a problem, but a circumstance we need to work on to improve.
“I can’t make it to the end of the month”: then don’t focus on not making it to the end of the month. Focus on finding other ways to earn some extra money, or on how to turn your life around completely. Before you label a situation a “problem”, make sure you have done everything you can to improve it.
In short, to identify the problems life brings us, we only need to remember that 99% of them aren’t problems, and within the 1% that are, we have to ask ourselves whether there is a solution or not. If there is, we look for it and work on it; if there isn’t, we turn the page, accept it and move on.
It may sound cold, but there is no other option for people who want to move forward.
See also: 5 things to remember when you feel stuck, empty and lost
Featured image: Joseolgon, CC0 1.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
