Editor’s note: This article was first published in December 2015. The reference to Pablo Iglesias’s sweaty armpits during the four-way televised debate is from Spain’s December 2015 general election campaign.
There are many things we can’t know about a person 30 minutes after meeting them, but in less than 5 seconds we can tell whether someone is shy and insecure. Nervousness, shyness and insecurity are some of the things people shouldn’t pick up about us, because they can close a lot of doors.
We can’t change the fact that, just as some people feel comfortable walking into a room full of strangers, whether it’s a networking event, a party or any other occasion, there are also people who find it incredibly hard to set foot in a room “packed” with people they don’t know.
We can’t help you stop being shy in a few days, and we can’t save you from the excessive sweating you might suffer in the stressful situation such an event may put you in. Many people choose to go completely unnoticed in these cases and not draw much attention to themselves. But the truth is that, since they are neither a painting nor an ornament, their very focus on keeping a low profile is what sometimes makes them the centre of attention, because they come across as apathetic and unsociable. Bear in mind that other people don’t know you’re shy; all they perceive is that you’re a bit “odd”.
So with these “tricks” or tips, we’re not only going to try to keep you from looking shy, but also help you make a triumphant entrance, make a good impression and even come across as an influential person.
1. A striking entrance for a striking person
“You never get a second chance to make a good first impression”, so, starting with the obvious, try to be attractive. And as I always say, even if it sounds repetitive: I said attractive, not good-looking. Not all of us can be good-looking, but practically all of us can gain some attractiveness by taking care of a few things. We have already given 16 tips for being more attractive (not for looking it, but for being it).
Your body language, the colour of your face (you can get a tan in just 3 hours with self-tanning wipes), you can gain 5 centimetres in height, and so on… And when in doubt, be the best-dressed person in the room; let them see an elegant person the moment you walk in.
2. The greeting
Walk in smiling. Not laughing out loud or grinning from ear to ear, but with a slight smile, as if you were happy (in case you don’t feel happy that day). As if you liked what you see as you walk in.
Greet the crowd.
Some people don’t say hello when they walk into a room full of strangers because they don’t know anyone. Others only greet the people they happen to pass.
The right thing to do is to greet the whole room as soon as you walk in. You don’t need to shout, but in a deep voice say “good morning” or “good afternoon” loud and clear.
And don’t look down.
Keep eye contact with the crowd as you walk in. And even though you’ve greeted the whole room, as you move forward, greet the people who make eye contact with you.
Don’t rush.
Walk through the room calmly. Enjoy what you see. Take in your surroundings in a relaxed way. That shows self-confidence.
3. Wave to your imaginary friend
If you don’t have a single friend or acquaintance in the room, don’t worry, because you do have a friend. This is a little trick for looking popular or friendly. It’s often used by pickup artists, and its effectiveness is more than proven.
Once you’ve greeted the crowd and are slowly making your way across the room, also greeting the people who make eye contact with you, look towards the back of the room and wave to your imaginary friend, with more enthusiasm and using your hand. You can even say “Long time no see!” or “Great to see you, let’s talk later.”
And don’t worry if someone looks back to see who you waved at. It could have been anyone. Why wave to an imaginary friend?
First, because people assume you know people. And at an event full of strangers, that makes you look like… someone who knows other people in the room. Psychology says this will make you a more interesting and trustworthy person.
And second, you know that gesture has made you look more confident and self-assured, so by now you should actually be feeling more confident and sure of yourself.
4. These things happen
If you’re someone who tends to sweat: men, even if it’s hot, don’t take your jacket off. Women, you already know perfectly well how to prevent or hide it.
Remember how Pablo Iglesias (leader of the Spanish party Podemos) was criticised for his sweaty armpits during the four-way election debate. Some people were quick to blame poor hygiene, when the truth is that all four politicians were sweating buckets; it just seems nobody told Mr Iglesias that this is what jackets are for at public events (among other things).
Even I, and I’m not someone who sweats (I’ve run several kilometres without breaking a sweat), have at times spent five minutes at a negotiating table and thought I was melting.
5. The key will always be your smile and eye contact
Many things can go wrong when you’re trying to make a good impression, but eye contact is one thing we can’t get wrong, because nobody thinks anything good of people who don’t look them in the eye. At best they’ll put it down to shyness; at worst they’ll assume you have something to hide and can’t be trusted.
So we’ll always look people in the eye, both when shaking their hand (firmly and confidently) and while we’re talking or being spoken to.
As for smiling, it’s contagious on its own. A single smile can draw a smile from the other person. Smile as if you truly loved talking to that person.
(See: 11 secrets of irresistible people)
6. Until they show otherwise…
It’s impossible not to prejudge people. Remember that everyone in that room is a good person until they prove otherwise. Everyone deserves our respect until they prove otherwise.
You have a lot to gain and very little to lose. So open up to people and listen to them.
7. What if nobody comes over to talk to me all night?
It could easily happen, and starting a conversation with your imaginary friend isn’t really an option. When you’re the one who has to make the approach, there are other techniques, which we discussed in our article “How to get people you’ve just met to like you”. In its first point, we explained an approach technique that may not work at every event:
If you’re the one approaching someone, you have to do the opposite of what you would do in a job interview. Look at your watch several times and make sure that person thinks you’re in a hurry.
Imagine you’re sitting in a bar, and someone sits down next to you and orders a beer. You don’t know this person at all, so your brain immediately thinks it could be someone really tiresome who will ruin your afternoon or evening if you don’t like the conversation.
Questions come up: “Who is this, what does he want, and how long is he going to bend my ear?”
Now, if you get the feeling that this person has to leave in 5 minutes, you won’t feel the same aversion, because you know perfectly well that if you don’t like the conversation, you’ll only have to put up with them for a little while and won’t be in the position of having to leave yourself or get rid of them.
8. Posture
Here we’re talking about body language once again (see: 7 body language techniques).
After the first impression you make when you walk into a room, your posture is the next thing people will judge you by.
When you’re standing, stand up straight but relaxed, with your feet hip-width apart. Let your arms hang, avoiding the hands-on-hips pose or hands in your pockets.
Make yourself as tall as you can, push your chest out and pull your shoulders back. If you do this literally, you’ll look like the stiff vampire from Twilight, so relax your shoulders a little and don’t puff your chest out quite so much.
If at any point you have to sit down…
Sit up straight, but not stiffly, and keep your abdomen firm. Avoid fidgety feet and keep them planted on the floor, shoulder-width apart.
Keeping your feet too close together when you’re sitting signals shyness and insecurity. Too far apart signals indifference and cockiness, so the right distance is the sweet spot.
In short:
The human mind is critical by nature, and the brain’s intuitive system will draw its own conclusions within a few seconds. The brain will automatically ask the following questions:
- Is this person a threat?
- Is this person attractive?
- Could this person be interesting, socially speaking, enough to spend my time on?
Attractiveness is automatic. When you meet someone of the opposite sex (or even the same sex), you know whether that person is attractive or not.
Whether you’re a threat is the oldest natural mechanism humans have. In fact, it’s the one that has kept our species alive. Here, we’ve partly taken care of it thanks to our imaginary friend, because people who warmly greet someone else with a smile are generally less likely to be dangerous (at least in how others perceive them).
And if you follow these tips to some extent, I think the brains of the people in the room will answer the question of whether you’re interesting in your favour.
See also: 8 ways to influence people, according to Cialdini, author of Influence
Featured image: ESA/Hubble, CC BY 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
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