We all know that besides verbal language (what we say) there is body language (what we say without saying a word).
You’ll never get a second chance to undo a bad first impression, so in any situation (a job interview, a meeting, a negotiation…) our body language can convey feelings we aren’t fully aware of. That’s why we’re going to try to control those gestures, postures and movements.
See also: 9 body language mistakes in a job interview
Part of the secret to success in a negotiation is to leave nothing to chance and try to control even the smallest detail.
Body language techniques and tricks
0. Introduction
An attractive person usually achieves more success and inspires more trust than someone who looks unkempt. We’re not talking about being good-looking, since not everyone is born that lucky, but with the right clothes, practically anyone can become an attractive person: a well-pressed suit, clean shoes, cared-for skin, a clean shave or a well-trimmed beard, clean teeth, clothes in the right color for the occasion, and so on.
Before we even open our mouths, we’ll already have made a first impression, and it needs to be good, or at least “not negative”.
1. The handshake
Personally, I no longer give this gesture much importance. Now that everyone knows you should show confidence by gripping the hand firmly and introducing yourself by saying your name loud and clear, where some people see a very confident person in that greeting, I sometimes see a very insecure person trying to look confident thanks to this well-known technique.
Even so, shake hands firmly, look the person in the eye and say your name loud and clear.
(See: Techniques for reading people’s body language)
2. Eye contact
It’s important to keep eye contact with the other person both while you’re talking to them and while they’re talking to you. That said, it’s not a contest to see who can hold out longer, because that can even come across as aggressive or make the other person uncomfortable. Keeping sensible eye contact, and not turning to look at someone in the room who sneezes while you’re being spoken to, shows that you’re focused, attentive and interested, and not someone who gets distracted easily.
3. Good posture when standing
When standing, there are two postures you should avoid above all: both hands in your pockets, and the “jug-handle” pose (hands on hips). Watch politicians and government ministers. They’re the best advised on this, so as not to show the slightest doubt to the millions of people watching them. To look relaxed and confident, the usual advice is to let your arms hang loosely at your sides. Avoid crossing your arms: crossed high, they signal passivity; crossed low, nervousness.
4. Don’t let your gestures betray you
Once we’re seated at the table, perhaps the moment we’re most exposed to unplanned gestures is when we’re talking about something important. That’s when our hands tend to drift to our forehead (wiping away sweat), eyes (an itch), nose (another itch) or mouth (dryness or moisture). All of these gestures are read as nervousness over a likely lie or a partial lack of sincerity. I knew someone who was very predictable in this respect. If he wiped the corners of his mouth while he was talking, he was blatantly lying to you, or he simply didn’t believe what he was saying.
Whatever happens (barring the odd exception), while you’re talking, make sure your hands never move toward any part of your body, and especially not toward your face. To help with this, hold a pen in your hand (but don’t play with it). This is one area where many people do analyze gestures very seriously. If your nose itches, don’t scratch it while you’re talking.
5. Control your micro-expressions
If controlling our hand movements is hard enough, controlling micro-expressions is practically a utopia, although the most common ones can be kept in check.
While you’re talking, don’t look away, whether down, to the side or up. In other words, don’t look anywhere else.
Watch your eyebrows: raising one in response to a comment is like saying “Oh come on, I don’t believe you” or “What on earth are you talking about?”, just as a lopsided half-smile can come across as arrogant. There are many micro-expressions we can show, and while it’s true that few people could interpret them correctly, something sometimes happens that I’m sure has happened to you: “I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that person can’t be trusted.” Well, it’s not that you have a feeling; it’s that the person, through their unconscious language, has made sure to tell you to be very careful with them, because they can’t be trusted.
6. The way you move expresses your character
This never fails. Just by watching someone walk down the street, you can tell whether they’re calm, absent-minded, nervous or hyperactive. These signals double in smaller spaces, where you have to dodge people, open doors, sit down, stand up and even eat.
If your movements already reveal a lot about your character, an unexpected moment will show you exactly as you are. Imagine you trip and nearly fall. Would you be embarrassed, crack a joke, turn red as a tomato, swear in front of everyone, act as if nothing had happened, or glance sideways to see whether anyone saw? In situations like that, always go for good humor: “Wow, I nearly ended the meeting early.”
7. Take ownership of the space
Once you’re in the room, claim your space and don’t let anyone overshadow your presence. Find a visible spot where you have freedom and room to move. Choose a strategic place, aiming to be as close as possible to the person you want to talk to or negotiate with.
And finally, remember that accompanying your words with hand gestures that are in keeping with them, calm and unhurried, helps keep the other person’s attention and reinforces what you’re saying.
Featured image: Flazingo Photos, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Flickr.
