Since relationships, whether professional, personal or romantic, are one of the 6 areas we should cultivate, this time we have a contribution from Eugenia Casta, author of Reconstruye tu Autoestima (Rebuild your self-esteem), Eróticamente: 13 fantasías y 11 micro relatos (Erotically: 13 fantasies and 11 micro-stories) and Divorcio para principiantes (Divorce for beginners), among other works.
“While happiness as a couple is not a constant state, it shouldn’t be so rare that it needs extraordinary experiences to show itself.”
Sometimes, if not almost always, we let the bureaucracy of everyday life invade us and take over our intimacy. We’ve been led to believe that happiness as a couple only exists while dating, or during the “honeymoon” (for those who can still afford one), and that the rest of life, the stable part, married or not, is one giant, boring drag that we only escape from as a couple on the odd anniversary (more routine, if anything).
What do I mean by the bureaucracy of everyday life? Bills, supermarket shopping, problems with the children, household expenses, family commitments and a long list of other things. Instead of being more or less mundane tasks we have to get through to live in society, they set up camp in our lives full-time and sleep in the middle of the bed, right between you and your partner. In the end, that long-awaited moment of happiness and intimacy with the other person becomes just one more item on the to-do list.
You don’t need to book the most expensive suite in some exclusive hotel, or pay for a dream fairy-tale trip on credit, to guarantee yourselves unforgettable experiences. Probably the biggest problem in a relationship is wanting to collect unforgettable moments in a box of memories.
We believe that adult life as a couple, and reality itself, consist of that list of “things to do”, which we do indeed have to get through. But we believe it so firmly that, over time, our relationship turns into an enormous snowball that keeps swelling with paperwork and routine obligations. And we truly convince ourselves (and are convinced by others) that we have achieved stability and maturity because we no longer do anything, or almost anything, of what we used to do while dating (sex included).
That is how we kill mystery and eroticism, and steamy WhatsApp messages become something for teenagers “who have nothing better to do”.
We certainly have it all figured out! Who led us into this confusing fog and brainwashed us into accepting that monotony is the final destination of every stable, well-matched couple?
No, I’m not trying to find someone else to blame, only to draw attention to the society we are building and distorting, almost without meaning to, or without being aware of it.
Stable and boring: an example for our children
How long has it been since you bought a set of lingerie to give your partner a private show? And by the way, have you noticed what knickers you wear when you sleep with him?
And you, tough guy, do you know how easy it is to bulk up a bit at the gym? Nobody’s asking you to be Mr Universe, but she’ll surely appreciate a good pair of arms.
You don’t need to be a millionaire: try pizza and champagne.
Act out a role-play fantasy.
Gentlemen, why do you think women went wild for Fifty Shades…? Could it be the world’s hunger for good literature?
I suppose not…
Because we all like to fantasise, and erotic fantasies really do move mountains, and they are so easy to recreate…
Surprise each other, and not once a year, for her birthday or some special date, no… make it a habit, which is not the same as a routine…
Enjoy…
Eugenia Casta holds a degree in Fine Arts and is an all-round author. Her published books (so far) include Reconstruye tu Autoestima, Eróticamente: 13 fantasías y 11 micro relatos, Un año de fantasías eróticas (A year of erotic fantasies), Divorcio para principiantes and Cuentos de Risa (funny stories for children). She intends to keep writing.
See also: 8 mistakes we make in relationships, from the point of view of neuroscience
Featured image: Quinn Daedal, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Flickr.
