When it comes to destiny, you find several kinds of people. Some believe our destiny is already set and that nothing they do will change it. They think some people are born with certain talents to achieve great things, others are born to be grunts in poorly paid jobs, and still others are born to be great entrepreneurs.
Clearly, people like this rarely achieve major milestones in their lives, because they start from the belief that “whatever will be, will be”. Sooner or later they realise that the things you don’t chase rarely arrive on their own (except tragedies and colds).
Then there are people who are aware that we make our own destiny, but who aren’t willing to put in much effort to change their current situation. These people may have fallen into learned helplessness or chronic laziness. They also tend to regret, later on, not having done everything they should have done to feel successful.
And there is a third kind of person: those who know their destiny depends on their own effort, and are willing to fight to achieve all their goals. These people need to focus on mastering six specific areas of their lives, the ones Tony Robbins laid out masterfully in Awaken the Giant Within (published in Spanish as Controle su destino, “Take control of your destiny”), probably the best personal development book ever written (I personally wouldn’t file it under self-help).
At least, that’s my personal opinion. I was very reluctant when I read it, because I hate self-help books, but today I’d describe it as a book that can bring the living dead back to life.
How to control your destiny by mastering these 6 areas
1. Emotional mastery
There is no real success without emotional success. Emotional intelligence is a very fashionable term these days, because mastering our emotions isn’t only a spiritual matter; when you talk about its importance, it’s a scientific one too.
A person who thinks positively will always end up beating someone who thinks negatively, and not because the universe is on their side (as The Secret would have it), but because we have our own brain as an ally.
See also: How to bring about lasting, consistent change in your life
You need your own emotions on your side: break negative emotional patterns quickly and look at situations from another point of view. You can’t control everything that happens around you, but you can control the attitude you bring to each new situation. And attitude is everything.
We constantly feel limiting emotions along the lines of “I won’t be able to do this…” or “life sucks…”, and, as we explained in our article “How to reverse depression from the point of view of neuroscience“, if you don’t manage to change these self-destructive emotions quickly, you won’t like where you end up.
2. Physical mastery
First of all, physical mastery gives you health. Being healthy means you’ll be able to enjoy your successes for longer. I don’t suppose anyone wants to spend years working and saving for retirement only to die before it arrives or shortly after.
But there’s much more to it. Just as we must condition our minds to bring us useful thoughts, we must condition our bodies and muscles to produce the levels of energy and vitality we need.
That’s why among the tips of every single successful businessperson you’ll find “exercise”. Being in good physical shape contributes to a better mental state: you think better, keep stress at bay and make better decisions.
It also keeps negative emotions away, since it’s a natural booster of endorphins and dopamine. Exercise also makes you more attractive, and attractiveness is a form of influence in itself.
So it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do. You have to set aside at least 30 minutes for exercise every day.
3. Mastery of relationships
Relationships are one of the most important areas of our lives. So we have to work at getting better at dealing with people, whatever our goal. We’re talking about romantic relationships as well as business relationships and professional contacts, the latter being one of the most important parts of our success in our careers and in business.
The thing is, whether we’re talking about romantic or professional relationships, people usually look for the same thing, and that’s why we tend to fail on both fronts.
Most people who start a romantic relationship do so to get something: they’re looking for someone who will make them feel good. The same happens in professional relationships: people look for others who will help them reach their goals. BIG MISTAKE.
Relationships are a place you should enter with the mindset of giving, not receiving. A place where you have to contribute.
If we commit, give and help, reciprocity will take care of us. When those speeches say “don’t look for a way to make a million euros, look for a way to help a million people”, they are absolutely right. Help your users, your customers and your suppliers. The money will come.
Give the best of yourself to your partner, and they will give you the best of themselves too. Of course, that reciprocity doesn’t always happen, so ultimately we also need to ask ourselves whether that person makes us happy, and whether we really want to keep certain people close.
We also need to know which relationships to keep and which toxic people to stay away from, because success depends, to some extent, on our relationships.
4. Financial mastery
This is the subject most of the population has yet to pass. When a person doesn’t understand the most basic pillars of financial education, they can get into trouble even if they earn a lot of money at some point in their lives.
To achieve financial freedom you don’t necessarily have to become an entrepreneur. If you like your job, you can get there as an employee. If you don’t like your job, though, that’s another story.
The sooner you understand that the secret of wealth lies in earning more money, saving more money, investing more money and getting a better return on your money, the sooner you’ll achieve financial freedom. But you’ll have to read something about finance so that you can manage your own money, or fully understand what an investment adviser is offering you.
Remember that a fool and his money are soon parted, which is why people who win the lottery are usually worse off a few years later than they were before.
See also: Tony Robbins on the keys to abundance, wealth and financial freedom
5. Mastery of your values
I’ve always said that if you achieve something important in your life, make sure you can explain to the rest of the world how you did it without having to be ashamed of it. Never tarnish your integrity or your values.
We have seen how people such as bankers and senior officials in public institutions, whom we were supposed to admire and call great men, can today only be described as scoundrels. Tomorrow their children will know what their parents are and what they did. So will their children’s girlfriends and their children’s friends. These are people who have left a rotten legacy and passed rotten values on to their children.
We don’t know whether they will pay for it. Nor do we know whether they’ll ever regret what they’ve done, but when they go to sleep at night I’m sure they know they are not honest businesspeople. They know they are rotten professionals who have screwed people over.
Put your values in order so that nobody can ever say you aren’t an honest, ethical person, and so that you leave behind a clean image and legacy that your children and friends can be proud of.
6. Mastery of time
Mastering all the areas above is pointless if we can’t enjoy a good quality of life. And for that, managing your time is essential.
Tony Robbins likes to say that if you can’t find at least one hour a day for yourself, you don’t have a life.
On another level, Tony talks about saving yourself wasted years simply by learning from other people. If you need to learn a new skill that takes years to master, you may be able to cut that down to a few months if you know how.
You are the one who sets how long it takes to learn a new skill. Tony talks about how he gained experience as a public speaker in record time, packing ten years’ worth of experience into just a few months.
Featured image: David Jones, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr.
