Although the word “manipulate” can have negative connotations, the truth is that we all have this power of manipulation within reach. In the end it is nothing more than influencing other people so that we get our way and they do what we want, without being aware that we have altered their decision.
Some of the forms of manipulation and influence we are going to look at here may seem very obvious (others less so), but we rarely use them consciously. If from now on you consciously try out these little tricks when dealing with people, you will see how they produce the results you are after.
These manipulation tricks work in every area: sales, business, romantic relationships and personal relationships.
1. Anchoring when asking for a favour
We have already talked about the anchoring effect, a cognitive bias and one of the most effective strategies in marketing: there is still nothing more powerful than a sign with a crossed-out price and a lower price underneath.
In the same way, we don’t buy a product for the product itself, but by comparing it with other products.
If you want someone to do you a favour, first ask them for a bigger favour, and they will probably say no. Then immediately ask for a smaller one, and you will have increased the chances that they will do it.
Example: You want someone to take you to the bus station (30 kilometres away). If you simply asked them to drive you to the station, they could quickly come up with an excuse. Instead, ask whether they could drive you to Seville (300 kilometres away). They will certainly tell you it isn’t convenient. At that point, say: “OK, I understand, it’s just that I needed to get there quickly. Could you take me to the bus station, then, and I’ll go on from there?”
I have used a fairly simple example, but apply it whenever the occasion calls for it.
2. Create a sense of scarcity
What is scarce commands a much higher price. That is why a person who has a job finds another job more easily than someone who is unemployed. It is also why, of two restaurants side by side, one with its terrace packed and the other with an empty terrace, the full one will attract more people: if the other is empty, there must be a reason. And if this one is full, there must be a reason too.
Example: Never come across as desperate. If you have a business or you are self-employed and someone calls you to do a job, even if your whole week is free because you have no work, take your time checking your diary to find a day and time that suits the client. The consumer’s brain doesn’t like to be the only one hiring someone that no other clients seem to trust at the moment.
3. Grab your listener’s attention quickly
When you want the world to stop and everyone to be all ears, eager to hear what you have to say, start your sentence with expressions like these:
- Let me tell you a secret, but it mustn’t leave this room.
- I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but look…
- If I tell you something, do you give me your word it stays between us?
We have just summoned the “spirit of gossip”, a powerful force of human nature that will make people give us their full attention.
4. Stop an expert from contradicting you
In a sales process or a debate, one way to stop our main opponent from contradicting one of our arguments is a trick that combines a kind of compliment with a statement.
Example:
- “As I’m sure you know from your line of work… this is how it is.”
- “This must be very obvious to you, since you studied it at university… so the fact that…”
With this expression, first of all, we are calling the person “intelligent” by taking it for granted that they know this, so it will be hard for them to say that “this” isn’t so.
Secondly, we have praised them, so the outcome may seem fair to their brain.
And finally, we are stating that they “must know it” or that they “studied it”. Contradicting us could suggest to anyone else listening that this person didn’t “learn the lesson properly”, and hardly anyone likes to spoil a situation in which they have already come out looking good.
With this technique I have shaken off a lot of experts in the world of sales.
5. When…
Notice the difference between option A and option B:
- A) Do you want to go out one day this week?
- B) When do you want to go out for a drink this week?
Option A makes the other person think about whether or not they want to. Option B leaves no room for whether they want to or not. It takes for granted that they do, and the question is when.
6. Option A or option B?
Very similar to the previous point: instead of asking someone whether they are interested in “this”, ask them whether they are interested in “this” or “that”.
This is a very typical sales strategy. Instead of asking the person whether they want to buy or whether they are interested, we help them make the decision faster:
- So, are you taking the blue suit or the black one? (we don’t ask whether they want to buy the suit)
- Would it suit you better to receive it in the morning or in the afternoon?
- Shall we go out for dinner tomorrow or to the cinema?
Note: Although this technique has become rather old-fashioned and has lost some of its usefulness, in the latest analyses of sales closes I have carried out with a large group of salespeople, those who use it when a customer is hesitating at the close achieve, on average, 15% more closed sales.
And it works with girls too, especially if she already likes you 😄
7. The word “but…”
If we add “but…” after a sentence, that word has the power, as far as memory is concerned, to cancel out everything said before it.
Example: “You are a good worker, we are very happy with you, but… we have to let you go.”
Although it may seem the same, it would be different to say: “We have to let you go, but… you have been an excellent worker and we are very happy with you.”
Whenever it is appropriate, use “but…” to cancel out a negative comment that has to be made, so that you leave a better taste in the other person’s mouth.
8. I could… but I won’t…
“I could tell you how bad that is, but I’m not going to. You already know what you have to do.”
This is another sales strategy that is very useful in real life, especially when teaching children, and not just children.
We are saying something without saying it, and also creating a feeling of guilt in the other person if they don’t take our advice. In sales, notice how useful this argument is if, for example, someone is hesitating between buying our product and a competitor’s:
“I could give you a hundred different reasons to buy our product instead of the competition’s, but there’s no need, because you already know them.”
With this expression we avoid speaking ill of the competitor’s product, and we are putting “ideas” into the other person’s head that probably hadn’t occurred to them.
9. The “future could”
I love this one. It is similar to the previous one, and we are planting a future event in the other person’s mind:
“I could tell you that if you buy that product you’ll be making a mistake, but on the other hand, I’d rather you saw it for yourself.”
I had a client whose sales pitch was exactly this, and with this simple argument, 95% of the time, customers comparing products ended up choosing his. He used to say, very subtly:
“I’m not going to go into it, because I don’t like speaking badly of so-and-so, but when that product gives you trouble and you come to me to fix it, it’s going to take me a long time, because I don’t work with that manufacturer, and it’s happened to me before. And then you lot rush me to get it fixed.”
I don’t think I need to explain how this little speech works on the brain of a hesitant customer.
10. A sequence of yeses
If someone has said yes to us five times, the sixth yes comes by itself.
There was a silly children’s game that shows how simple our brain is:
– Say “knife” ten times in a row.
– Knife, knife, knife… knife.
– What do you eat soup with?
…
In many cases, people can’t help saying “knife” instead of “spoon”.
When you want a yes from someone, try to get several yeses first:
– Did you like it?
– Yes.
– Do you think it will be useful to you?
– Yes.
– Great, then I’ll wrap it up for you to take home…
Note: Obviously we could use other closes and techniques here; this is just an example.
11. Keep your opponent as close as possible
If you have a group meeting and you know there is someone who will most likely be against your arguments and will probably try to contradict you, seat them as close to you as possible. That will reduce the likelihood, or the harshness, of what they say.
People may get carried away at a distance, but up close they think twice.
Example: most people who insult and criticise celebrities on Facebook wouldn’t have the nerve to say it to that celebrity face to face.
And finally, there is saying the name of the person we are talking to. As we have said more than once, a person’s name in the mouth of a stranger is one of the most beautiful words they can hear.
There is a big difference between “Waiter, can you bring us two coffees to go? We’re in a hurry” and “David, could you get us two coffees to go, because we’re running late?”
Not to mention the power of the word “because”. If we give people a reason to do something or to agree to a request of ours, they are more likely to be willing to do it.
See also: 8 ways to influence people, according to Robert Cialdini, author of Influence
Featured image: Jürgen Howaldt, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
