In previous articles we discussed several techniques to become more persuasive and get people to do what we want. Those were geared more towards leadership and the long term, so they are gentler techniques, but still worth keeping in mind.
Similarly, we looked at how to get people you have just met to like you using certain techniques the FBI uses when it wants to place someone inside a group, which makes them incredibly useful.
This time we are going to look at some psychological tricks we can use in our personal lives, in negotiations and in sales, all of them backed by science.
1. Match the setting to your “opponent”
Sometimes the environment can trigger instincts and impulses that would stay dormant in a different setting. And all of this happens unconsciously.
One study found that negotiators became more ambitious (they wanted more money for themselves) when they were sitting in a room set up for negotiation: briefcases, leather armchairs, laptops, the smell of an office and office silence.
When someone who got up in the morning and put on a suit and tie, ready to negotiate, walks into their “personal jungle”, they will pull out every weapon they have: their learned skills and their aggressive negotiating style.
The environment will trigger, consciously and unconsciously, a highly competitive attitude. So for certain matters it can be wise to deal with some of the tougher points of the negotiation over a chat in a café during breakfast. That way the other person may feel less inclined to answer the call of commercial aggression.
When I tell people this, they are often skeptical, so I usually give a clearer example. Imagine you call your partner and say: “Tonight we’re going to make love somewhere really beautiful and romantic.” She gets ready for the occasion, you pick her up in the car and drive her to the outskirts of the city.
You take out a blanket and lay it on the ground in a desolate spot where the ground is covered in rubbish and you can see a few syringes. Clearly, despite her initial willingness, your partner’s libido will hit rock bottom.
It is not the setting she was expecting, so by changing the environment we have changed her stimuli.
2. Make people more willing to do you a favor
A simple change in the way we express ourselves can change everything. In his book Influence, psychologist Robert Cialdini explains a way to invoke reciprocity in people. Basically, it is about helping someone with something so that they feel obliged to return the favor.
When that is your intention, remember that most people are grateful by nature but reluctant when it comes to doing something for the person who did something for them.
That is why, when you do your “victim” a favor and they thank you, instead of saying “no problem” or “you’re welcome”, we should appeal to their subconscious so they feel the need to return the favor: “That’s what [friends, colleagues…] are for, to help each other out.”
It may seem simple, but it is powerful at the same time. People do favors for others when they have a reason or motive to do so. In this case, we have given them a reason that weighs on their subconscious.
3. Mirror people’s body language to influence them
You can tell whether someone likes you when that person is unconsciously mirroring your body language. A seducer knows the “prey” is in the bag when, as they tilt their head slightly to one side, the other person follows, smiles when they laugh and looks where they look.
When it comes to relationships or dating, people can tell with considerable accuracy when the other person likes them, just from their gestures and body language. Of course, you have to know how to read body language.
In fact, there are some myths, such as a woman playing with her hair while she talks to you. You have probably been told that it means she likes you, but that is not always the case. Sometimes it only means you are boring her and she is thinking that she needs to go to the hairdresser.
But it also works the other way round: we can make the other person identify with us just with this “trick”. The next time you are in a job interview, try to subtly mirror the recruiter’s body language.
In psychology this is known as the “chameleon effect”: if the other person leans forward, we lean forward, and if they smile slightly, we smile slightly. That person will feel they have something in common with us, and as we already know, recruiters make hiring mistakes because of the many biases they fall prey to. One of them is that they hire people they feel similar to, so the chameleon effect helps increase your chances of being hired.
A skilled salesperson can do the same to win over a customer. Various studies have confirmed how effective this method is, and interestingly, it all happened unconsciously: the “victim” never realized they were being “copied” by the person who ended up influencing them.
4. Speech speed techniques
We have talked about this trick before. As you can imagine, people need to process information before they respond, so when you know your opponents are not going to agree with something you are about to say, speak quickly. That way they have less time to process the information and counter your arguments.
On the other hand, when you are talking about the advantages of something, try to speak very slowly and with pauses, to give them time to take in everything you are saying and to make sure they understand it perfectly.
A calm tone is also used in the art of persuasion. The way you communicate is as important as the message you are sending.
There are many ways we can influence other people, from using their fears or playing on their worries to satisfying general needs they believe are theirs alone. And countless factors can come into play, both to achieve our goal and to fail in the attempt.
They say any hour is a good time to close a sale, but not every moment is. The weather can affect it, as can how close that person is to lunchtime and even who you remind them of because of the way you look: factors we sometimes cannot fully control, but knowing they exist at least lets us recognize them.
For example: 15 curious things that can affect whether you get hired and are beyond your control
Featured image: Syrio, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
