Life is the sum of moments. Moments are made of time. Do you want to enjoy life? Then stop wasting time and focus on what really matters, and apply this to every area of life, personal and professional. Above all, stop wasting time on the things or thoughts whose only effect is to wear you down emotionally.
If we listen to what older people, or people who have already come a long way in life, have to tell us, they all reach the same conclusion, and they even admit that if they had known, they would have stopped wasting their time and energy on these things.
Things you shouldn’t waste your time on
1. Excessive busyness
If you can’t find some time during the day for yourself, to enjoy yourself, rest or recharge, or to do something you like, in many cases it simply means you’re not organising yourself well at all. People often say that nobody is so busy that they can’t set aside an hour or two a day for themselves. If that really is your situation, it may be time to think about changing course, because your circumstances have hijacked your life.
2. Unnecessary drama
Some people seem to love drama in their lives, because when they don’t have any, they do everything they can to find it. If there’s one thing we know today, it’s that most of the things that worry us tend to be trivial matters we make a big deal of because we can’t simplify our lives. If a toxic person complicates your life, don’t deal with that person.
If someone gives you more pain than pleasure, get rid of them. In many other cases, we’re simply surrounded by a colourful garden, yet our mind focuses only on one wilted flower in the middle of all that colour. Be smart enough not to waste time on that kind of thinking, because once we pick up the ugly habit of focusing on drama, on everything negative, the spectre of depression starts to stalk us. Change the way you think, especially the way you focus on the positive, and you’ll see your life improve.
See also: The only difference between peace of mind and stress is attitude
3. Wanting what you don’t have
We’re programmed not to appreciate what we have and instead to want what others have. And this happens from childhood. Remember how excitedly you wanted that toy you didn’t have? Remember how quickly you lost interest in it once you had it?
You won’t always have everything you THINK YOU WANT, but remember there are people who would kill right now to have what you have. This isn’t a defence of complacency; it’s simply a reminder of a basic law of neuroscience: you’ll rarely be happy when you get what you think you need to be happy if you can’t manage to be happy with what you already have. In short, happiness never comes to people who can’t appreciate what they already have.
If you doubt this, just remember how more than 90% of people who won a big lottery prize ended up: broke, dead, or with drug and alcohol problems. Why? Because they finally got what they thought they needed to be happy.
4. Distractions that keep you from enjoying special moments
Technology has been a big step backwards here. I see it at any gathering of friends, and even at a couple’s dinner where both are at the same table but each with their phone in hand. At other times, we let work intrude on our private life and vice versa.
You have to learn to focus on whatever you’re doing. When you’re working, work, and do it as well as you can. No distractions. When you’re with your family, your partner or your friends, focus on enjoying those moments. No distractions.
One day you’ll discover that any moment could have been special if you had been able to live it. Sometimes we’re present but, in a way, absent.
See also: Six short stories that will make you think and change the way you see things
5. Comparing yourself with others
Do you want to be permanently miserable? Spend part of your time comparing yourself with others. It’s the best way to waste time and rob yourself of happiness. It’s also what will lead you to make the worst decisions of your life.
It starts with comparing yourself with others, continues with wanting what they have, and ends with trying to look like them. The result? A whole life spent making a fool of yourself, wasting time trying to show the world what you’re not, and in many cases spending money to appear to be what you’re not. Is there any more effective way to become unhappy?
The only person you should compare yourself with is yourself, as you work to become the best version of yourself. Measure your progress from yesterday to today. In other words, the only person you need to beat is “yesterday’s you”.
6. Dwelling on who you were or what you lost in the past
Probably the most draining thought there is comes from spending time thinking about the past. Think of the businessman who once had a great company but ended up bankrupt, and who, faced with the difficulties of the present, falls back only on memories of what he once was.
For better or worse, it doesn’t matter what you were yesterday. What matters is who you are today and what you’re willing to do today to improve your situation tomorrow.
As we always say, the past shouldn’t be a place to live in but a catapult to launch you forward. The past is precisely the one thing that, whatever we do, we can never change. The future, on the other hand, we can start writing today.
7. Worrying about what others think of you
I don’t want to be misunderstood on this point. Often, what others say about you does matter, because it’s called reputation, and we can’t afford a bad reputation. But in most cases we’re slaves to the fear of what others might say about us.
During the mortgage crisis, some people lost their homes and ended up taking their own lives. What drove many of these people to suicide? It wasn’t the repossession of their home itself. It was the feeling of shame in front of their neighbours and friends.
That’s why some business owners who lose everything end up leading a normal life and even get back on their feet, while others take their own lives after losing everything. In these cases it isn’t the situation itself; it’s the position the situation puts you in before other people.
These are the consequences of being a slave to other people’s opinions.
8. Other people’s definition of success and happiness
Watch out for this, because we live in the age of “total happiness”. Some snake-oil sellers push the idea that happiness means always thinking positively and managing your emotions so that we live 24/7 in a kind of dopamine overdose.
For others, if you’re not an entrepreneur with your own business, you’re just a poor failure working for someone else’s dream.
These messages flood the internet in a dangerous way, because they give us a definition of success and happiness that doesn’t match reality. The world needs doctors, lawyers, engineers and good workers who help companies grow. Not everyone can be a business owner (nor should they be, because entrepreneurship isn’t for everyone).
And it goes further. Social media shows us people’s happiness every single day. I see Instagram profiles that, if I didn’t know the people personally, would make me think they really are happy, just from what they want to project. We live in a digitally fake world that shows a digitally fake reality, and you shouldn’t waste your time buying into many of these ideas; otherwise you’ll end up as unhappy as the person trying to sell you their secret to happiness.
Sometimes it’s good to get angry and say openly what bothers or irritates you. The only thing you shouldn’t do is stay angry longer than necessary. Happiness is a balance sheet, with its debits and credits. What you should aim for is that, after all the additions and subtractions, the balance ends up positive.
