Most disappointments in life happen when certain expectations we had in our minds aren’t met. Some call it broken dreams. Others simply call it disappointment. Disappointment appears when a wish takes the shape of reality, and reality turns out different from what we wished for. That causes us stress.
This isn’t a defence of positive psychology; it’s more a call to face reality. We need to set aside what you think your life should be, or what it’s supposed to be, and start appreciating it for what it truly is.
We start from the premise that this is easier said than done, but also from the premise that we can learn not only to say it, but to apply it too.
Most of us have had to face tragedies of one kind or another, and disappointments both big and small. We have seen dreams fade away, and we have run head-first into obstacles with no way of avoiding the impact. But that’s life. That’s how life works. That’s the world we live in.
But let’s be honest about something. In 99% of the cases we call disappointment or tragedy, unless they involve the death of a loved one or a serious illness, we are talking about “minor tragedies”, incidents of no real importance at all. What happens is that we blow the matter out of proportion because of how badly we balance expectation and reality in our minds.
When something doesn’t go according to plan, we tend towards restlessness, drama, sadness, stress and, in some cases, depression. We choose the hard part, which is playing the victim over something that may very well have been out of our control. And even when it was within our control, it is only a mistake we may have made, one that led to an unexpected result; yet we choose to get stressed instead of learning from the experience. We skip the benefits of resilience. And, by the way, resilience is one of the habits successful people have.
The difference between peace and stress lies in attitude
If you have a purpose in this life, if you are not someone who settles, you will very probably fail and get frustrated many times in different areas of your life, including relationships, work, business and so on. And that is the best sign that you are in the real world, that you are moving.
We need to start thinking differently and not let the things beyond our control take control of our emotions. Like it or not, the truth is that the vast majority of things are beyond your control. You can only control a few things in this life. And that is where you should focus your energy.
See also: I hope you don’t learn this lesson too late in life
In other words, you can control the love you give someone, but you can’t control whether that person gives you more love in return. You can control how you prepare for a competition, but you can’t control how others prepare. You can control doing something as well as possible and still fail; you can’t control an outcome. But you can control what you do once you have fallen, once you have failed and once you have been disappointed.
The secret lies in how we look at a situation that is happening or has happened, and what we decide to do about it. Worrying more than necessary is not an option. Looking at the problem and facing it with action is.
See also: How to build resilience to failure in business and in your career
A reminder for life
There are no certainties in this life. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow or what the future holds, so the best strategy for life is to do the best and most positive thing you can do in this very moment, even when everything seems to have collapsed. With time, you’ll discover that nothing had collapsed. Everything was in its place. The only thing that had been damaged was your psychological collision with an unwanted outcome.
When sadness appears because of a situation we didn’t want, we keep going, even when you’re disappointed. Especially when you’re disappointed.
See also: 17 steps to survive the worst moments of your life
Twenty years from now, would you like to look back and discover that the years you lost to silly disappointments were a waste of time? You will probably have many more disappointments, but the time you lost you will never get back.
Your life today is a collection of good moments, bad moments, joys, sorrows, unexpected turns, right paths, dead ends, loves, heartbreaks, successes and failures. If you add up all those moments, that is who you are right now. All those positive and negative moments have brought you to where you are today.
If after a day of tears you are able to smile again; if you have the courage to admit that you are afraid, but that fear won’t stop you; if you have the courage to ask for help when you need it and the wisdom to accept that help when it’s offered; if you are smart enough to know that not every path will be strewn with flowers, that you will find thorns, and you are willing to be pricked by them, then you have everything you need to be happy.
Featured image: jenny downing, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr.
