Knowing what to let go of is just as important as knowing where we want to go. If we don’t learn to let go, we will very rarely get where we want to be. And that’s not just a play on words.
This mistake is most visible when a relationship with someone ends, although in fact we tend to make it in most areas of our lives. We find it hard to shake off the past and keep walking without carrying its weight.
A common question is whether there are advantages or disadvantages to staying in touch with an ex-partner, keeping them on our social media, or even keeping the photos we posted together.
There is advice out there, from a psychologist, that argues exactly the opposite of what I believe. To get over your ex, she recommends that you don’t lose contact with them, and she gives some tips that defy all logic and that, in my opinion, can only prolong a person’s pain and suffering, lengthening the time it takes to recover from the breakup and preventing them from going on with a life “unburdened” by the past.
When you meet someone who hasn’t closed their chapters
Many times we’ve seen how people, once their relationship is over, never quite get out of it, yet decide to start a new relationship with someone else without losing touch with their ex.
In these cases, that person leaves their previous relationship halfway and, at the same time, enters the new one halfway. The person who loses out most, without a doubt, is the one who enters this kind of relationship unaware that the other still has a chapter they haven’t closed.
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Forums are full of worries and questions along these lines. “My partner still talks to their ex, and I don’t know how to take it.” “My partner still has photos with their ex on social media, and I don’t know how to tell them it bothers me without seeming jealous.”
Sometimes people forget that, after a breakup, the most effective thing is to go no contact.
Today there is a certain tendency in modern psychology not to restrict our partner’s freedom, even if that freedom means staying in direct contact with their ex, something that, from any angle, can cause justified annoyance in the other person.
In fact, our advice in these cases, if you’re one of those people who won’t accept this situation, is to do the right thing. And the right thing, to save yourself future headaches, is to get off the boat, because you’re with someone who still has an open chapter. And you can rarely start a new chapter if the previous one hasn’t been closed.
As we said, this doesn’t only apply to relationships. It applies to everything. Life is about holding on to the things and situations that are good for us and getting rid of everything that harms us. If your business goes bust, learn to let go of that loss and focus on building from that point on. If you’re fired from your job, let it go and focus on finding a new one. You gain nothing by focusing on your losses.
The same goes for relationships. If a relationship is over, end it completely and focus on building new moments with new people. As I like to say: “If you drive through life with your eyes on the rear-view mirror, you’ll end up crashing.”
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Featured image: Wiki.cullin, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
