Practically no friend gives you everything you need. That’s the conclusion Tom Rath reaches in his book Vital Friends: you might have one friend who is a good listener but isn’t there when you need them, while another could be incredibly loyal but unable to help you get out of a problem.
Just as a healthy diet needs a wide range of nutrients (we can’t live on lettuce at every meal), our circle of friends needs different kinds of friends.
Rath and the Gallup organisation set out to find out which types of friends are vital. By vital friends we mean those whose disappearance from our lives would reduce our life satisfaction to a greater or lesser degree.
In our previous article we looked at some questions you can ask yourself to find out whether you’re surrounded by bad friends. This time, let’s look at the types of friends that are good for your life, your well-being and your overall satisfaction.
1. The Builder: the one who helps you grow and improve
This is probably the most important type of friend in your life, and at times it will be the one you come to “hate”.
This friend won’t back you in everything. If they think you’re about to do something crazy or something that will harm your life, they’ll be there to give you a good slap. This is the friend who believes in you, sees your potential and wants to take you to the next level. They will never let you rest on your laurels.
This is the person who is always pushing you upwards. They want you to improve, they want you to achieve things. In short, they want you to grow as a person.
They want you to succeed and, if necessary, they’ll gladly spend some of their own time helping you get there.
These days most people don’t appreciate this type of friend, because they’ve grown used to surrounding themselves with friends who tell them what they want to hear and who hold back constructive criticism in case it upsets them.
On a personal note, Victoria, my best friend (may she rest in peace), was a builder par excellence. She was the person who helped me grow both personally and professionally. She made you believe you were capable of anything. Of course, Victoria was an all-in-one, because she embodied every one of the types that follow.
2. The Champion
It’s not the name I would have given this type of friend, but I’m going to stay faithful to the names Rath gives them in his book.
This friend is the person who will defend you tooth and nail even when you’re not around. This friend never speaks badly of anyone in the group. They praise you to your face and behind your back. When they talk about you to others, everyone wants to meet you.
They accept you for who you are, even when you don’t accept yourself. You can share confidences with them because you know they’ll never betray you. They may not be a great adviser, but they are a good listener you can confide in. When you succeed, they’ll be proud of you and tell everyone. They’ll be there in the good times and the bad, in your achievements and your failures, in your sadness and your happiness.
3. The Collaborator
This is usually the friend whose interests are similar to yours, which is the basis of many friendships. It might be someone who shares your hobby: sport, politics, music, cars, books…
Conversations with this person tend to be productive, because you usually talk about a subject you’re both passionate about, and you tend to meet up for activities the rest of your friends don’t enjoy. This familiarity and these shared interests can make the friendship last a lifetime.
4. The Companion
The companion is more than a friend: they’re a companion for life. They often end up being the one we call our “best friend”. In fact, this is the friend who will stay put when everyone else has run for cover.
They’re always there, whatever the circumstances. You share a bond with them that you consider practically unbreakable. This is the person who might even risk their life to save yours.
Friends like this are very rare these days. So if you’re lucky enough to have one in your circle, you have a friend for life.
5. The Connector
It doesn’t matter what the problem is. This type of friend always knows someone who can help you. Let’s say this is the friend who, if you were ever locked up in a Turkish prison, would end up making friends with the prison governor.
The connector makes friends quickly. They have a way with people and a wide circle. In other words, they have contacts. This is the person you meet who ends up introducing you to lots of people. Often, when you find yourself out of work, this is the friend who ends up talking to someone who needs a person with your profile. They’re extremely sociable and sometimes seem to know everyone.
Given that, when it comes to success, social skills are the biggest ingredient, this friend can be your link to all kinds of people who are hard to reach.
6. The Energizer
This is the fun friend you’re always laughing with. They always have good ideas for having fun and always know where the party is. A very dangerous friend to try to keep up with, but a delight when the situation calls for fun.
The good thing about this friend is that they can lift your spirits and make you forget your stress and sorrows in a single night. The bad thing is that they tend to lead a rather wild life that we shouldn’t copy. But yes, they’re probably a very important part of your circle.
7. The Mind Opener
This is the friend who makes you question your assumptions. Talking to them is a continuous learning experience. They can expand your mind and encourage you to embrace new ideas, cultures and opportunities. They challenge you to think more innovatively.
In short, this friend helps you change your outlook on life and the way you think.
8. The Navigator
This friend sometimes takes the form of a mentor, a life coach or a psychologist. At some point you may find yourself stuck in a kind of hell you don’t know how to get out of. You may be lost in life and not know which path to take. The navigator is the friend who will guide you in the right direction.
They’re an excellent adviser, and when you can’t decide, they’ll help you weigh the pros and cons of each choice you have to make. Whenever you find yourself at a crossroads and need help, you can count on them. They’ll enjoy advising you. They’ll help you see the future in a positive light while keeping your feet on the ground in the present.
You can share your goals and dreams with this friend, because they’ll probably have good advice to give you.
These are the types of friends who would undoubtedly make our lives complete. But, as I said at the beginning, it’s quite likely that a single person combines several of these personalities at once.
If I had to give one piece of advice about friendship, it would be this: whatever these personality types, always try to surround yourself with honest, loyal people with values and principles. Above all, sound values and principles are very hard to find these days in most of the population. And as for honesty, as Warren Buffett put it: “Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don’t expect it from cheap people.”
And now the opposite: 9 types of toxic people we should avoid like the plague.
Featured image: Paolo Braiuca, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr.
