How much time do we really waste in life because we can’t simplify the basics? How many unnecessary worries? How many half-enjoyed joys? There are some hard life lessons we should learn as soon as possible.
The truth is that life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. We learn along the way, although we aren’t always lucky enough to be surrounded by people who can teach us.
There is no faster shortcut to real life lessons than hearing them from people who are about to lose their lives or who have already lived 80 years. Those people undoubtedly have a lot to teach us about how to live a full life.
See also: 17 hard truths of life
In this case, it was Marc Chernoff who took on the task of gathering a set of life lessons on the tenth anniversary of the death of a friend. That friend had admitted that if he had heard some of these things and put them into practice much earlier, he wouldn’t have lost so many years to drama and needless worry. He acknowledged that in his last few years he had moved forward more, and lived more fully, than in all the rest of his life.
Nobody said life would be easy. In fact, it can be very hard, but is it really as complicated as many people think? Surely not; you just have to focus on what matters.
So here are 40 hard life lessons you should go over often
1. When you only listen to what you want to hear, you’re not really listening. Also listen to what you’d rather not hear. That’s how you grow as a person.
2. Daydreaming about other times and places can be dangerous. Don’t cling too tightly to the past, or dream so intensely about the future that you lose sight of the real value and beauty of the here and now. Don’t live parallel lives in your head. Don’t miss out on your real life.
3. You often waste time waiting for the ideal path to appear. But it never does, because you forget that paths are made by walking, not by waiting.
4. You will never feel as confident as you’d like to. Stop believing you should feel more confident before taking the next step. Taking the next step is precisely what builds your confidence.
5. Distractions will get the better of you if you let them. Study your routines, find out where your time goes and cut out the distractions. You’ll truly be in charge of your life once you learn to control your focus and direct your attention.
(See: 8 inspiring life lessons from Maya Angelou)
6. There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and rewarding exhaustion. You need to know the difference. Life is too short. Invest in activities and relationships you care deeply about. Think about what you give your energy to. Focus on what matters and let go of what doesn’t.
7. Neglecting yourself is very common. Recognise it. Your needs matter. Don’t ignore them. Sometimes you have to do what’s best for you and your life, not just what’s best for others. There is absolutely nothing selfish about looking after yourself and loving yourself. We can’t give what we don’t have. Enrich your own life, and that way you’ll be able to give life to others.
8. Sometimes you don’t give yourself enough credit. Remember that time you thought it couldn’t happen? It did: you did it, and you’ll do it again. Appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve also grown a lot. Acknowledge your resilience.
9. Your response is always more powerful than your circumstances. A small part of your life is decided by circumstances completely beyond your control, while the vast majority of it is decided by how you respond. Where you finally end up depends largely on how you play the cards you’ve been dealt.
10. Everything gets a little uncomfortable when it’s time for a change. That’s just part of the process of growing. Things will get better. Be patient.
11. Patience isn’t about waiting. Patience is the ability to keep a positive, focused attitude while you work hard to move your life forward.
12. New good habits don’t form overnight. They say it takes about 60 days to form a habit. So over the coming weeks, look at the bright side of your life and you’ll rewire your brain. Then apply the same principle to other areas of your life.
13. Mental strength is incredibly important, and easy to overlook. Seek out environments that expand your mind. Spend time with people who truly inspire you. Read books. Learn. Grow. Improve. Your life is your choice.
14. Old patterns are hard to break. Be careful. Act consciously and consistently. Don’t slip back into your old patterns. Toxic habits and behaviours always try to sneak back in just when you’re doing better. Stay focused.
15. Sometimes it’s better to let go without closure. Actions and behaviour say a lot, and there are situations we simply have to let go of without waiting and without clearing anything up: just walk away and forget about it.
(See: 17 life lessons to learn in your twenties)
16. If you always play the victim, you’ll always be treated like one. Life isn’t fair, but you can’t afford to let the past define your future. Try to take life one day at a time and be grateful for the little things. Don’t get stuck on what you can’t control.
17. Life doesn’t always give you the circumstances you want. It gives you the circumstances you need… to learn, to grow, to fall in love…
18. When you really pay attention, everyone and everything is your teacher. Take the time you need to listen and observe. Take time to learn something new, and learn as much as you can from others.
19. Nobody wins at chess just by moving forward. Sometimes you have to step back to put yourself in a position to win. It’s a perfect metaphor for life.
20. The hardest challenges will teach you the best lessons. Every difficult situation holds an opportunity to understand yourself more deeply and to improve your life.
21. Most of your stress is self-inflicted. And the most powerful weapon you have against stress is your ability to choose one thought over another. Learn to manage your thoughts before your thoughts manage you.
22. Your mind will always produce negative thoughts. So the goal isn’t to get rid of all of them; that’s impossible. The goal is to change how you respond to them. In fact, the clearest sign of inner growth is noticing that you are no longer worried, stressed or hurt by the things that used to drain you.
(See: 8 life lessons from Warren Buffett)
23. Calm is a superpower. Being able to avoid overreacting and taking things personally keeps your mind clear and your heart at peace. Once you start valuing your inner peace above your need to react and to be right, you’ll begin to feel more of that peace, and more happiness.
24. You’re holding on to things that hold you back. When things stop adding to your life, they start subtracting from it. Life becomes much simpler when you clear out the clutter that complicates it. Not everything you lose in life is a loss.
25. “Busy” is just an excuse. In a world with so much noise and clutter, you need to make room to listen to yourself and to others. Embrace silence and space. Breathe and listen. That way you can focus on what really matters.
26. You ignore your inner voice far too often. Give yourself room to hear your own voice, your own soul. Too many of us listen to the noise of the world and get lost in the crowd.
27. You often look for approval from the wrong sources. You’ll never find your worth in another human being; you’ll find it in yourself, and then you’ll attract the people who deserve your energy. So stop waiting for others to tell you how amazing you are. Impress yourself. Show yourself how much you can grow and improve. It’s never about competing with other people. In the end, the only person you’re competing with is yourself.
28. Popularity is irrelevant. Forget about being popular. Do what you have to do with passion, humility and honesty. Do what you do not for applause, but because it’s what you should be doing. Many of your gestures, most of your best actions and the most important things you’ll ever do will never be seen in public. Do them anyway.
29. Some people have impressed you for the wrong reasons. You may once have been impressed by money, titles and looks. Be more impressed by generosity, integrity, humility and kindness.
30. People won’t always tell you how they feel about you or what they think of you. But they will show you. Pay close attention.
(See: 20 life lessons written by a 99-year-old man)
31. Your expectations of others cause you needless pain. Don’t lower your standards, but remember that dropping the expectations you place on other people is the best way to avoid disappointment. As the saying goes, it isn’t that a person lets you down; it’s that your expectations of that person were wrong.
32. You’ll end up disappointed if you expect people to always do for you what you do for them. Not everyone has the same heart as you. So when you do something for someone, do it because you want to, because that’s who you are, but without expecting the same in return.
33. Life is too short for constant arguments and pointless wars. Remember to choose your battles. Peace can feel better than being right. You don’t have to show up to every conflict you’re invited to.
34. Over time, you’ll attract people who think and behave like you. If you want to be surrounded by positive people, you need to be a positive person. It works the other way round too. Put your best effort into surrounding yourself with people who push you to be the best version of yourself.
35. You need to learn to be more human again. We all do. Don’t avoid eye contact or physical contact. Don’t hide behind electronic devices. Set aside your virtual social life and enjoy real life.
36. Sometimes, without realising it, you dehumanise people you disagree with. Be careful. In justifying ourselves, we can easily become the very things we dislike in others. The way we treat people we disagree with says everything about what we’ve learned about life. Everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something. Learn to respect that, and be kinder.
37. “Bad” people can change for the better. If someone is working on themselves and trying to become a better person, there’s no need to keep bringing up their past. People can change and grow.
38. Forgiveness is necessary for your own peace. Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Free yourself from the burden of being a permanent victim.
39. Life will keep taking things from you and giving you things, gradually and continuously. It’s funny how we get over losing what we thought we couldn’t live without, and then fall in love with things we didn’t even know we wanted. Do your best to embrace life’s uncertainties. Some chapters of your life won’t have a title you’re comfortable with until later on.
40. Everything you have now is constantly changing. Look around you and be grateful for your life right now. Grateful for your health, your family, your friends, your home. Nothing lasts forever.
See also: 10 toxic behaviours that are ruining your life
Featured image: Footpath through Adel Woods by Peter Wood, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
