Some people think that, as a rule, they will never have to deal with a psychopath, but that is not entirely true: experts say you probably come across a psychopath practically every day.
When I wrote the article “9 questions that will tell you whether you could be a psychopath”, based on the book Confessions of a Sociopath by the anonymous author who goes by the pseudonym M. E. Thomas, it caused something of a stir by saying that a psychopath or sociopath is not very different from what films have shown us in the roles of Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct and Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs.
Some people confuse psychopathy with narcissism, which, when it comes to dealing with them, is nothing alike: the narcissist is an insecure person, while the psychopath has extreme self-confidence. And that changes everything.
It is true that psychopaths are much more likely to be in prison than most people, but the truth is that they are most likely running companies, and you may have them as bosses or even as colleagues. These are what are called “subclinical psychopaths”, who feel no empathy for others and have no conscience. Paul Babiak called them “snakes in suits” in his book Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work.
According to studies, an estimated 1% of the population has psychopathic traits, but since they have not killed anyone (at least not directly), the vast majority have never been officially diagnosed. Babiak observed how the percentage multiplies among company executives, far exceeding some traits that psychiatry by definition considers psychopathic.
And you almost certainly deal with those people every day. In fact, a person with psychopathic traits tends to be more successful than everyone else: they climb the corporate ladder faster, and their coldness helps them devise better strategies in their own interest.
Put another way, there are people with subclinical psychological disorders. They have not done anything bad enough to go to prison, but they do enough harm to make your life hell. Which profession has the most psychopaths?
Without any doubt, company CEOs.
Now that this long introduction is out of the way, and so that nobody is in any doubt or offended at having their happy psychopathy attacked, let’s look at some strategies to protect ourselves from psychopaths and from toxic people in general. (See: 9 types of toxic people you should avoid like the plague)
To know what to protect yourself from, you first need to know what you are up against. What is a psychopath?
For our purposes, psychopath and sociopath are the same thing (we won’t go into detail), but they should not be confused with a “psychotic person”: the psychotic may be seeing goblins, ghosts or vampires, while the psychopath probably sees the world more clearly than you do. Perhaps too clearly, as Harvard Medical School psychiatry professor Ronald Schouten explains in his book Almost a Psychopath, because the psychopath does not let conscience and empathy get in the way of their personal goals.
That makes sense of something we sometimes think: “good people have a hard time while the son of a b**** ends up going far.”
Psychopathy is a psychological disorder in which the individual shows a profound lack of empathy for the feelings of others, a willingness to engage in immoral and antisocial behaviour for short-term gain, and extreme egocentricity. – Almost a Psychopath
But Paul Babiak’s research goes even further: he floats the theory that the psychopath could be a superior species within the human species. In other words, the psychopath could be a predator within our own species.
Some people have noticed their instincts warning them of danger, even feeling nauseous and a faster heartbeat when dealing with someone with psychopathic traits (the feeling that someone gives you “bad vibes”). That feeling could be an evolutionary response of our species to the danger of facing a predator.
Once we know that a psychopath is not a serial killer going around exterminating people with a hook (though there will be some of those too), if we look at subclinical psychopaths, they can be quite witty and articulate people, as well as narcissistic and impulsive. Not feeling empathy does not mean they don’t understand it; in fact, they can fake it to manipulate the people around them at will and get what they want.
That is the psychopath’s aim: they see people as objects to be used and manipulated, as a means to a specific end.
Babiak published a neuroscience study showing that the brains of subclinical psychopaths (mostly CEOs and middle managers at major companies) did not respond the way your brain does. For example, several studies showed that when they looked at unpleasant images and emotional words, their brains did not produce increased activity in the limbic regions, which are normally associated with processing emotional material. In other words, they lacked emotions.
Having said that, some people might think: “I’ve done bad things and I feel fine because I got some gratification from them. Does that make me a psychopath?”
If you are worried about whether or not you are a psychopath, relax. You are not, because a psychopath does not worry about that.
Is there a treatment for psychopathy?
Practically all experts agree that there is no treatment for it. In fact, treatment would make them worse. Trying to teach them about empathy would not make them more empathetic; it would only teach them to fake it better.
According to Jon Ronson, author of The Psychopath Test, violent psychopaths who received treatment showed a 20% increase in reoffending compared with psychopaths who did not. In short, trying to cure a criminal psychopath only made them even more polished.
Subclinical psychopaths become doctors, lawyers, CEOs…
Robert Hare, in his book Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us, explains how psychopaths somehow switch off their impulsiveness to get through university. They almost never go to prison or set foot in a mental institution, and they seem to function perfectly well as lawyers, doctors, police officers, businesspeople, writers, artists, actors and so on, without breaking the law, or at least without being caught, charged and convicted.
According to Robert Hare, these individuals are just as self-centred, callous and manipulative as the average criminal psychopath; however, thanks to their intelligence, social skills and circumstances, they manage to build a facade of normality to get what they want with relative impunity.
In short, subclinical psychopaths are not going to go around chopping heads off with an axe, but they will go after their goals ruthlessly, without worry and without caring what happens to the people around them. It doesn’t matter how many hearts they have to break, how many people they have to knock down or how many corporations they have to infest. They will go all out.
How does the psychopath get what they want?
In his book, Hare explains the three-step process psychopaths follow, a process that shows a broad command of strategy and social skills.
- The psychopath assesses the environment and the weaknesses and needs of the people around them.
- They manipulate and influence others into joining them; in other words, they use their cunning to win people over and then use them to reach their goal.
- They drain people to the limit and leave them bewildered. As a rule, the average subclinical psychopath is intelligent and will devise strategies so that they come out on top.
They will make a good first impression. Above all, they will show false empathy while they work their way into your personal life to find out everything about you, so that they can use all that information against you.
They find it relatively easy to land key positions in a company because, as we said, psychopathic traits are exactly what is being asked for: a lack of feelings gives them an edge in “the ability to make tough decisions” that companies want so much, and their coldness helps them “stay calm under pressure“, another trait much in demand in job ads.
And their dirty tricks are rarely discovered in a business environment that rewards competitiveness. As excellent manipulators, they can become team leaders and hold key positions.
Now that we know more about this type of psychopath, here comes the big question:
How do experts recommend dealing with psychopaths?
1. Don’t
As with any kind of toxic person, the secret to your survival and emotional stability would be to stay as far away from them as possible. In a relationship, this advice is easy to follow: leave that person immediately, although you probably won’t get rid of them that easily even after taking that step. In a business setting, however, keeping away from them may not be an option, because you will have no choice but to see them.
It is very hard for the Human Resources filter to work, because for executive and middle-management positions they are, without realising it, actually asking for someone with psychopathic traits. These people may even have caused plenty of problems at previous companies, but when references are checked it is hard for them to show up as responsible for the problems they themselves created.
Since you won’t be able to avoid them completely, at least avoid them as much as you can and, above all, don’t play their game, because you will probably lose. Remember that you can wear yourself out emotionally; they won’t. That is their playing field.
Sometimes they are such good strategists that if you play their game, just when you think you have them cornered, you will find you have walked into an ambush.
2. Don’t confront them
Suppose Hannibal Lecter were a real person and had you in his sights. If you wanted to end the problem, there would be only one way out, which would be to take his life. Only then would the problem be over.
The problem with subclinical psychopaths is that they are not going to make an attempt on our lives or serve us part of our own brain for dinner. They will simply sink us professionally if we are an obstacle or a means for them to climb (or just for fun).
There have been cases of people who discovered the hidden intentions of a corporate psychopath and decided to challenge them and put them in their place, even bringing the situation to the attention of their superiors.
Unfortunately, by then the psychopath had already done their homework and had their own network of influence reaching up into the hierarchy. The psychopath already knew things that could sink that person, and to top it off, senior management does not look kindly on an employee going around speaking ill of another member of the company. With cunning, the tables are turned and the employee’s credibility is undermined.
3. Take precautions: be wary
Psychopaths also have a kind of spider sense; that is, they can identify their most vulnerable victims just by watching and listening.
Be sceptical of people who quickly turn charming. If someone flatters you more than they should, ask yourself why, because flattery is a very powerful weapon of influence that they know inside out.
(See: 8 ways to influence people, according to Robert Cialdini, author of Influence)
If you fall for their charm, you have fallen into their web.
4. Don’t try to change or reform them
Accept that subclinical psychopaths exist and that you will have to see them: people without conscience, without empathy, manipulative and proud of the way they are. Accept that they cannot be changed. A cat is a cat and a lion is a lion. Don’t try to redeem the irredeemable.
Remember that when people with psychopathic traits go through therapy, they only get better at it.
5. Pay attention to their actions, not their words
Sometimes you won’t be sure whether you are dealing with someone like this or simply with a normal person you are prejudging.
The psychopath is a pathological liar. So don’t be guided by their words or promises but by their actions. Don’t listen to what they say they are going to do; look at what they do or don’t do.
Martha Stout, author of The Sociopath Next Door, recommends the following. A lie, a broken promise or a neglected responsibility that has harmed you could be a misunderstanding or something done without bad intentions. Just a mistake. If it happens twice, it could be a serious mistake on that person’s part. But if it happens three times, you are dealing with a liar or with someone harmful, and lying alone is the linchpin of a lack of conscience in a person.
6. Build your own reputation and relationships
Psychopaths recruit subjects, patrons or slaves, and these may be at the bottom of the company’s organisation chart or high up in its hierarchy. A psychopath can often play their boss as they please.
They will use their relationships to spread misinformation and lies about anyone who stands in their way, or to tear you apart just for fun. They will try to get rid of any threat, and that could include you.
So, in case the game gets rough, make sure your reputation is intact and that you have built good relationships within the company. If you have never had a complaint against you at work and have never spoken ill of anyone, then if the time comes when you have to go to your superiors to give your side of the story, your credibility is more likely to be intact.
It is very hard for someone to bring down a person with a spotless reputation. Hard, but not impossible. If there is a way, the psychopath will very probably find it.
Sources: The Sociopath Next Door, by Martha Stout / How to deal with psychopaths, by Eric Barker / Almost a Psychopath, by Ronald Schouten / Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work, by Paul Babiak.
Featured image: Sujai.rajapaul, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
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