Editor’s note: This article was first published in October 2015, before Donald Trump’s presidency. The article describes him as the billionaire, as an example of a narcissist.
There are quite a few signs that can help us identify a narcissist, although we can sometimes mistake a narcissist for a very self-confident person and vice versa, especially in a business setting.
A narcissist may appear to be very sure of their own abilities, but the truth is the opposite: they are quite insecure. Which brings us to the second question in the title of this article.
How do you manipulate a narcissist? They are probably the easiest people to manipulate, because all you have to do is flatter them. That’s it. They are so self-absorbed that they won’t doubt for a moment that the flattery is sincere. You’ll have won them over in no time, because they’ve heard exactly what they wanted to hear.
But someone posting selfies on social media every day isn’t necessarily a narcissist. From a psychological point of view, the narcissist is really someone who feels undervalued and thinks everyone else is stupid for failing to appreciate their gifts or talents. And that makes them a toxic person best kept at a distance.
The problem is that we’ll find narcissists at every level of a company’s organisation chart, and, more often than we think, in leadership positions.
According to psychologist Joseph Burgo, author of The Narcissist You Know, the fundamental trait that sets them apart is a lack of interest in other people.
1. A narcissist is only comfortable talking about themselves
They’re easy to spot in a group, because a narcissist loses interest in a conversation when it isn’t about them. They’ll try to steer every conversation back to themselves, and they’ll show indifference when others talk about their own concerns or express their feelings.
According to Burgo, 5% of the population shows this “quality”, and the figure is growing. For example, if you go to a party and someone starts telling you about their life without asking anything about yours, you’re dealing with someone with a degree of narcissism. Of course, as we said earlier, it will be very easy to influence that person if that was your goal. If it wasn’t and you run into a narcissist, make any excuse and leave them free to bore someone else (because they will end up boring you).
2. They enjoy telling others what to do
It’s not unusual for a narcissist to hold a leadership position, because for some reason, counterintuitive as it may be, people who lack empathy often reach leadership roles in companies. So this is their natural habitat. They feel powerful and valued, even if their subordinates loathe them. If you have a narcissistic boss, it’s very easy to manipulate them with certain social skills: tell them how well they do their job and how much you admire them.
3. More common in young men
Psychologist Frederick Stinson found that men are more likely than women to be narcissistic over the course of their lives. In fact, narcissism usually peaks in adolescence, when we can all be narcissists by definition. The logical thing is for it to decline with age afterwards, but in many cases that doesn’t happen.
4. They dress “better” than other people
Narcissists are big consumers. In fact, a large share of advertising campaigns are aimed at “the narcissist inside us”. They like to be fashionable, so that when they walk into a room everyone looks at them and talks about how well dressed they are. They like to have the latest technology too, so they can be the centre of attention while showing off their new, exclusive toys.
You’ll recognise a narcissist because they’ll glance at every mirror in the room to make sure they look fabulous.
5. They don’t listen, they just wait for their turn to speak
A narcissist is the person who asks you a question and, before you’ve finished answering, is already talking about themselves again. While others are speaking, you’ll see them restless, on the verge of jumping in. They constantly seek the approval of others, and if the people in the group are captivated by what they’re saying, they won’t stop talking.
6. They like to tear people down
If a narcissist can’t stand out on their own merits, they’ll find that the most effective strategy is to tear down a person or an entire group of people. Since they come across as self-assured and may enjoy a certain status, they will sound credible even if they don’t offer much in the way of arguments. In other words, they may use phrases like “you have no idea what you’re talking about” when an opinion doesn’t match their beliefs.
Some readers may be picturing the typical narcissist as a failure, but in fact it has nothing to do with success. Without looking any further, one example of a narcissist we all know is none other than the billionaire Donald Trump, who perfectly exemplifies many narcissistic traits.
The good news, since you’ve very probably recognised yourself in at least one of these points, is that this isn’t a chronic illness. This way of thinking and acting can be changed, simply by becoming aware of the need to work with others in a sincere and honest way. But in order to change, we first have to be aware that we have some narcissistic traits.
See also: People pick up on these 8 things about you within seconds of meeting you, according to science
Once you understand that, even from a selfish point of view, supporting others and listening carefully to them can improve your own personal development, you’ll be able to work on it.
Featured image: Claude Vignon, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
