Supposedly, you become an adult at 18, yet you can be 29 and still not be an adult from a psychological point of view, according to psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, author of Emerging Adulthood.
It all starts with a simple question: “Do you feel you have reached adulthood?” Most people, even teenagers, will say yes, but the evidence shows that even some 30-year-olds are not very adult or mature, while some 21-year-olds are considered very mature and adult despite still having a lot to live through and learn.
But how could we define whether someone is an adult or not?
Starting a career, getting married and/or buying a house are the things that would put you into adulthood without necessarily making you an adult. That is why, for the years between 18 and 30, Arnett coined the term “emerging adulthood”, and he considers a person an adult once they have reached these milestones:
1. Taking responsibility for yourself.
According to Arnett, people mention all kinds of things when they interpret what this means, but in general it means accepting the consequences of your actions without expecting anyone, especially your parents, to shield you from those consequences.
In other words, if something breaks, being able not to blame anyone else or wait for someone to rescue you. You simply get to work fixing it. That is what being an adult is about.
Deciding for yourself whether to change jobs, and living with the consequences if it turns out to be the wrong decision. Making some kind of investment on your own, and owning the outcome, whether it goes well or badly.
It may seem very obvious, but we see people well past 40 who still blame all sorts of people (parents, friends, politicians…) for their bad situation, when the truth is that wherever you are right now is where your own steps and decisions have taken you.
Did you make a decision because of someone else and get it wrong? Tough luck: suck it up and move on. That is being an adult.
2. Making decisions independently.
The second milestone a person has to reach to be considered an adult has to do with identity.
- What educational path should I take?
- Which job offer should I accept?
- Where do I want to live?
- With whom?
- Do I want to be in a relationship or would I rather stay single?
- Do I want to get married?
- Should I move to another city?
It is about finding out who you really are, how you fit into the world and what your role in it is. In fact, an old saying goes that there are two great days in your life: the day you are born and the day you find out why.
Almost everyone, at 20, imagines their life at 30 a certain way, and it rarely turns out like that.
Young people tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves to work these questions out as soon as possible. Unfortunately, other young people are more passive about them (more “couldn’t care less”), but the key here is patience and always being on the move: learning, working, building something… That is how you find your identity.
3. Financial independence.
This is probably the easiest milestone of adulthood to track. Not just living your own life, but being able to pay for it yourself.
Hence the importance of young people starting to learn about financial education as early as possible, since it determines whether they acquire the knowledge that will help them make a successful transition into adulthood.
When someone realises how important it is to understand personal finance, they start learning values such as saving, controlled frugality, investing and business opportunities, as well as how to take on risk and make economic decisions, and that in itself already makes you more adult and mature.
Remember that there are many problems we can run into when we are young, and although “money isn’t the most important thing”, the truth is that most of the problems and headaches of adult life come from a lack of money or from uncertainty about our financial future, which stops us from doing many of the things we would like to do.
And those, basically, are the three most important milestones for considering yourself an adult, according to psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett.
See also: 21 things young university graduates and professionals should know and accept in their 20s
Featured image: Jennifer Morrow, CC BY 2.0, via Flickr.
