A bit of humor about company culture. (Any resemblance to reality is probably pure coincidence.)
One day, a successful HR director was crossing the street at a pedestrian crossing when a bus failed to brake in time. He was run over and killed.
He arrived in heaven, where St Peter welcomed him and said: “Welcome to paradise. But before you settle in, I have to tell you we have a problem: we’ve never had an HR director up here before, so we’re not quite sure what to do with you.”
The HR director replied: “No problem. Just let me in and we can talk it over calmly.”
St Peter: “I’m sorry, but I have orders from above, so here’s what we’re going to do. Since this is a very difficult decision for you, as it’s where you’ll spend eternity, you’re going to spend 24 hours in hell and another 24 hours in heaven. Then we’ll talk again and you can tell me where you’d like to stay.”
HR director: “But St Peter, I’ve already made up my mind. I’d rather stay in heaven. In fact, I deserve to be in heaven.”
St Peter: “I insist. We have rules, and rules must be followed.”
So St Peter put him in a celestial elevator and pressed the “Hell” button. When he arrived and the doors opened, the executive saw a gigantic golf course and a beautiful lake of crystal-clear water.
He began running into colleagues, bosses and employees he had worked with throughout his life. They were all immensely happy, smartly dressed in suits and ties. The women, all very beautiful, wore evening gowns.
Everyone there came over to greet him and hug him warmly, with huge smiles and expressions of pure happiness. Then he met the Devil, a thoroughly charming fellow who never stopped joking and telling stories, and who told the executive that whatever he needed, he would be delighted to provide it.
When night fell, they all went to an enormous restaurant overflowing with caviar, salmon, oysters and every kind of fruit, champagne, ice cream and more. Everyone danced and laughed. Those 24 hours flew by, until, almost without his noticing, time was up and it was time to leave.
The HR executive left thinking that if that was hell, goodness knows what heaven must be like. When he reached the gates of heaven, St Peter greeted him and told him it was time to spend 24 hours in heaven.
In heaven he spent the whole day lying on the clouds, learning to play the harp. When he got bored he took a nap, got up to stroll around that all-white celestial landscape, and went back to sleep. Those 24 hours felt somewhat longer. Then the moment came to tell St Peter his decision.
HR director: “You see, St Peter, I never thought I’d say this, and I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but after spending a day in heaven and a day in hell, I’m choosing hell. I had a much more pleasant time there, and if I’m going to spend all eternity in one place, I want to go to hell.”
St Peter: “Very well, we respect your decision. I’ll send you down to hell.”
See also: Mistakes in your cover letter and CV
When the elevator reached the bottom and the doors opened, the executive saw a very different landscape. There was no golf course, just a dark, desolate wasteland. The lake that had been crystal-clear water was now volcanic lava.
He looked ahead and saw all his former colleagues, friends and old bosses, practically naked and filthy, their clothes torn by the lashes the Devil himself was giving them to make them pick up rubbish, haul sacks of cement and so on.
The HR director went up to the Devil and asked: “I don’t understand what’s going on. The other day there was a golf course here, we had lobster for dinner, everyone was laughing and dancing and telling jokes, the atmosphere couldn’t have been better. Today there’s none of that. There’s only rubbish, and my friends look miserable and sad. Could you explain?”
The Devil smiled and said: “I’m sure that, given your profession, you’ll understand perfectly. The other day we were recruiting, a sort of job interview. Today you’re an employee. So stop babbling and whining and get to work.” 🙂
Further reading
Featured image: Mutney, CC0 1.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
