Some people are blissfully unaware of the negative effects they have on those around them, while others seem to take satisfaction from their chaotic behaviour. Toxic people like these can end up bringing out the worst in us and causing us high levels of stress, and added stress is a natural destroyer of our energy and productivity.
(See: Why you attract toxic people and how to fix it)
Without a doubt, the smartest way to deal with a toxic person would be not to deal with them at all, but unfortunately we sometimes have no choice, because it does not depend on us. So in many cases we have to treat these people not as people but as a science experiment from which we are going to draw some conclusions.
So here are some of the strategies that Travis Bradberry considers the most effective, and which are the ones the smartest people use when dealing with toxic people. And make no mistake: toxicity abounds, in personal and romantic relationships, but above all in the workplace.
(Read also: Seven types of toxic people who shouldn’t stay in your company a minute longer)
1. Set limits and keep your distance
Complainers and people who only ever bring bad news tend to look for companions in their misery. Everyone thinks they are ready to lend an ear to someone like this, but the truth is that sooner or later they end up clouding your day.
Most of us may feel pressured to listen to their complaints and “strange” stories because we don’t want to be seen as unfriendly or rude, but we need to draw a line between being a “sympathetic ear” (anyone can have a problem) and getting drawn into a negative emotional spiral.
If someone is smoking and you don’t want to breathe in the smoke, what can you do? Quite simply, move away from that person.
2. Don’t die fighting
Successful people know how important it is to live to fight another day, especially when their enemy is a toxic person. In this kind of emotional conflict with a “toxic” or a “crazy” person, you can get caught in a spiral that leaves you emotionally drained, and you will never reach a solution.
Choose your battle carefully: whether it is really worth fighting or whether it would be better to wait for the right moment to defend your position wisely. But avoid confrontation simply for the sake of confronting someone.
3. Stay aware of your limits and emotions
I think we all more or less know our limits of emotional exhaustion, so keeping an emotional distance requires a certain awareness. Sometimes we don’t realise it is already happening, but it is not too late to put some distance between us.
Think of it this way: if someone comes up to you in the street to tell you that he is Jesus Christ, and he says it with total conviction, are you really going to spend your time trying to convince him that he is not Jesus Christ? We nod, smile and go on our way.
At work we come across some people with whom we should act in the same way, because their argument is as stupid as their conviction is strong. So we smile, nod and carry on with our own business.
4. Don’t let anyone limit your joy
If you ever let your sense of pleasure and satisfaction depend on other people’s opinions, you will no longer be the master of your own happiness.
When emotionally intelligent people feel good about who they are and what they have done, they don’t let anyone’s opinions or comments ruin their day.
While we should listen to other people’s opinions and thoughts, we also need to know how to choose the people from whom we can get constructive criticism. Above all, remember that when people talk about you, as a rule, you are never as good or as bad as they say you are. Of course, we know who we really are.
5. Choose whom to focus on
What you put at the centre of your attention determines your emotional state. In other words, if you focus only on the problems you are facing, you will prolong the negativity and stress. If, on the other hand, you focus on the actions you can take to eliminate a problem, optimism will enter your emotions.
The same goes for toxic people: if we focus only on them, that gives them power over you. Focusing instead on different strategies for handling them will give us control over them.
6. Don’t fall for fairy tales
They say the secret of happiness is knowing how to forgive and forget. That is all very well as a Coelho quote, but the truth is that while smart people act as if they forgive, there is no doubt that they never forget.
Forgiveness can be feigned because we will have no choice but to keep working with that person, and that way things can calm down, but forgetting what a toxic person has done to you… would not be smart at all.
Travis gives other advice, such as limiting your caffeine intake and getting enough sleep. I suppose it has a scientific basis, since caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline, which is ideal for “kicking off” when you are fed up to the back teeth with someone.
As for getting enough sleep, it is clear that when we are better rested we feel more positive, because when we sleep our brain literally recharges the energy we need, stripping away our less pleasant memories and storing the more positive ones, as long as we have programmed it that way.
At the other extreme we would have the four types of people you need to hire in your company.
Further reading
- Ten toxic behaviours that are ruining your life
- Four decisions that can change every aspect of your life
- 14 things to avoid so you don’t burn out, stress out and sabotage yourself
Featured image: Challiyil Eswaramangalath Vipin from Chalakudy, India, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
