Editor’s note: The ideas about stress and gratitude in this article are the author’s opinion. Depression is a medical condition, not a matter of attitude; anyone who may be affected should seek help from a health professional.
There are two kinds of mental exhaustion: productive exhaustion and unnecessary exhaustion.
Productive exhaustion includes a hard day’s work, preparing a project, exams or the headaches of getting through all kinds of red tape to sort something out, as well as the illness of a loved one.
We can’t avoid it, even though it’s draining our energy and vitality and causing us a lot of stress. All we can do is face it with the right attitude and recharge that energy for the next day.
But we people often suffer an unnecessary loss of energy, sometimes because of other people, but almost always because of our worst enemy: ourselves and our powerful mind.
That’s why we need to decide where to spend our energy, because we tend to wear ourselves out physically and mentally on certain unnecessary things, to the point that some people wouldn’t recognise happiness even if it were put right in front of them.
Here are 14 things you shouldn’t spend a shred of your energy on, or tolerate in others.
1. A negative attitude.
Attitude is a choice that’s up to us. If you decide to have a negative attitude towards life, you’ll find thousands of reasons to be unhappy. If you choose a positive attitude, you’ll find thousands of reasons to enjoy what you have and the moments life offers you. Given the choice, I’ve always preferred to be happy. Remember that bitter people are bitter by choice.
2. Avoid drama.
Avoid having dramatic people in your circle of friends. Avoid being dramatic. It’s no cliché that the end of some things is the beginning of others yet to come. Has your partner left you? Don’t make a drama out of it; see it as an opportunity to find someone who really wants to be with you. Have you lost your job? Remember that great companies were born after their founders lost their jobs. It’s attitude. Leave the drama for the cinema.
3. Avoid being rude.
Being rude is a needless waste of energy, because it takes much less effort to be nice to everyone. And yes, being a jerk is also a choice a jerk makes at a given moment. In the end, we get back from others what we project. Always be courteous, kind and polite, and avoid people who aren’t.
4. Avoid underrating yourself.
It’s fine to be self-critical, but underrating yourself as a person or as a professional won’t do you any good. If you don’t value and respect yourself as a person, don’t expect anyone else to. Remember that you’re worth as much as you think you’re worth. If you believe you’re worth a lot, that’s your value. If you believe you’re worth nothing, that’s your value.
5. Avoid worrying about your past.
You’re not going to change the past. The first step towards being happy is letting go of your past. Nobody can build a new life by looking back. Life is lived looking forward. A painful past only serves to remind you of the things you don’t want to come back. You need to become the architect of your present and your future.
6. Let go of expectations of perfection.
You’ll never be perfect, and the life you live will never be perfect. Get used to it, because you’re not going to reach a state of absolute nirvana. There will always be moments of uncertainty, days that go wrong and problems to solve. When everything goes wrong, some people take a positive attitude and keep going, while others choose to sink into their own sorrows. You choose what you want to do when the time comes.
(Read: 5 things to remember when you feel stuck, trapped, empty and without meaning)
7. Don’t avoid personal responsibility.
Blaming other people or your surroundings is also a way of wasting energy. You have to accept that the life you lead today is the one you’ve chosen to lead. And it’s your personal responsibility to leave it as it is or change it. You’re capable of making decisions to change your situation. You’re the driver of your own life. Not everyone is clear about this point. Most people don’t control their own lives because they aren’t aware of the power they have to do so.
8. Having a list of worries longer than your list of things to be grateful for.
Stress and depression appear when we have more apparent reasons to worry than reasons to be grateful. When one of those moments comes, always look for something in life to be grateful for. Unless you’re an idiot, you’ll find dozens of reasons to be. Remember that many people pretend to be happy until, from pretending so much, they end up being happy. The same happens the other way round: if you ignore happiness and focus on problems, sooner or later you’ll think your life is a problem. Break that cycle quickly.
9. Avoid social conditioning.
Sometimes we let others put labels on us, to the point that society itself can pigeonhole you for hundreds of reasons. If you let people label you, there will come a time when you forget to be true to yourself. You are what you want to be, not what others think you are. Never forget that.
10. Avoid focusing on the wrong people.
When we were teenagers, we used to fall for people who paid us no attention. Making this mistake as adults should be a crime. And of course, as adults we tend to make the same mistake with partners and friends. Remember: never waste a minute on someone who isn’t willing to spend that minute on you.
11. Avoid old habits.
Some habits have been with us for decades and have probably got us nowhere. Just because you’ve always done something doesn’t mean you should keep doing it, especially if it hasn’t brought results. Change your habits.
(Read: 25 habits of successful people)
12. Avoid pointless complaining.
Some things happen, and they’ve already happened. Complaining won’t do you any good; it’s just a way of causing yourself more unnecessary pain.
13. Avoid excuses.
It’s better to offer no excuse at all than to make bad excuses over and over again. Remember that people who want to get somewhere look for ways to get there. People who aren’t willing to make the effort look for excuses.
14. Avoid routine.
Routine is probably a form of living death. The most important currency in life is experience. Don’t be afraid to take on new challenges.
And finally, remember that life is something offered to all of us at a given moment. It’s compulsory, but the growth we achieve in life is optional. You choose the kind of life you want to have, just as you choose the attitude you’ll take towards it.
Further reading
- Resilience: the keys to success when things get ugly
- 5 things you may regret on your deathbed
- Steps to reach your goals in life and in business
- 7 lessons for success from a former Navy SEAL
Featured image: Vincent van Gogh, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
