Editor’s note: This article was first published in October 2015. Its reference to the authors’ new book refers to 2015.
A psychologist or psychiatrist needs to win their patient’s trust so that the patient will tell them all kinds of things about their life. Business is no different. Business relationships need trust.
In a previous article we looked at four psychological tricks for influencing people. This time we’ll look at a technique some psychiatrists use, whose underlying value applies to sales and business relationships.
Sometimes we’ll need another person to reveal personal information or things they would only share with certain close circles, which is why it has always been said that getting someone to like you and winning their trust takes time.
Psychologists acknowledge that there’s no more effective scientific formula than striking the balance between competence and vulnerability. In other words, we need to come across as credible and serious in our role, but human at the same time.
How do you strike that balance?
In their new book Friend & Foe, Maurice Schweitzer and Adam Galinsky explain how some psychiatrists get their patients to open up about their deepest anxieties and insecurities.
One of them explains that when he meets a new patient, he uses one of these three tactics: dropping his pen, telling a bad joke or spilling coffee on himself.
In short, coming across as a bit clumsy. When a patient goes to see a psychiatrist or psychologist, they already know that person is a professional and, if they have any doubts, the diplomas on the wall will confirm it. Professionalism builds confidence in the professional’s skills, but it doesn’t necessarily build another, more personal kind of trust.
That’s why the psychologist’s job in this case is to show that they are also a vulnerable, fallible human being. That balance between being competent and professional and being human makes you seem more trustworthy.
But be careful. It has to be in this order: first we show we’re professional, and then clumsy. If we do it the other way round, this “formula” won’t work, because first impressions can affect how we’re perceived.
And it’s just as useful in business
According to the authors, highly competent people can seem more approachable and trustworthy if they show a touch of clumsiness.
A while ago I read about a study in which two saleswomen presented a machine for making coffee and milkshakes to a large audience. The first saleswoman was flawless in her demonstration and explanation. The second was rather clumsier. She spilled the milkshake and ran into a couple of mishaps; in other words, it was a botched job in which the saleswoman had to rely on good humour to make up for the disastrous presentation.
When the audience was asked which of the two saleswomen they would buy the machine from, more than 65% said they would buy from the second. Why? Some said she was nicer. Others said she was more human. People had taken to her. She had won their trust.
In other words, perfection isn’t always best. After all, as Joe Girard, the world’s greatest car salesman, used to say, the formula for success in sales is a fair price and getting people to like you.
These authors’ view partly debunks the theory that trust can only be built little by little. The truth is that by applying a few techniques, we can build trust with anyone in record time. We can all be influenced if someone knows which buttons to press.
But remember: in business, we should first impress the other person with our knowledge and abilities, and only then show them how human we are.
Avoid this if you’re a surgeon or similar, because I don’t think a patient seeing you drop your scalpel on the floor will inspire much confidence 🙂
Featured image: Freud's couch by A J Paxton, CC BY-SA 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
