Editor’s note: This article was first published in December 2017. Its title is tied to 2018, as it was published on 29 December 2017, although the text itself says the date on the calendar does not matter.
Hard things are the things very few people are willing to do. In terms of sheer success and happiness, focusing on the most uncomfortable things (the ones nobody else feels like doing) can make the difference in your life and your well-being.
The truth is, it doesn’t matter that a new year is coming. Perhaps one of the reasons people fail when they try to change is precisely this: setting goals just because the number on the calendar has changed. You can do it at any other time of year, and it’s much more effective to think about closing one cycle and starting another. To know what you want to change and what you don’t, what you like and what you want to let go of, what you’re no longer willing to put up with, and so on.
Whatever your age, you are the sum of the experiences you’ve lived so far. Those experiences have made you the person you are today. The problem is that when some people remember certain experiences, what they remember is the pain and discomfort. They don’t think about the experience they gained or how strong they are today thanks to everything they’ve been through.
Today you need to focus on continuing to move towards something better, on thriving. And to do that, you’ll have to do many things that make you uncomfortable at first but are necessary. One day you’ll regret not having taken some risks and not having given more of yourself, because deep down you’ll know you could have done much better.
In fact, we can turn discomfort into our comfort zone if we manage to embrace it. If you’re not feeling uncomfortable, it’s because you’re not moving forward. Discomfort is progress.
1. Focus on what really matters to you
It’s time to start directing all your energy towards specific goals. To do that, you can use the strategy Warren Buffett uses to prioritise his time and energy:
Write down 20 or 25 things you want to achieve in different areas of your life (personal, professional…). Now pick the five most important ones, the ones you consider your priorities. Cross out the rest and don’t think about them again until you’ve achieved those first five goals.
Anything that isn’t one of those five priorities is just a distraction you need to avoid. Start here.
2. Start taking small daily steps towards those goals
You don’t need to focus on a huge effort. You only need to take a small step, but you have to take it consistently, whether we’re talking about adopting a new habit or learning any skill.
One of the biggest regrets people face as time goes by is not having stayed true to the pursuit of their goals. In five or ten years you’ll look back and regret not having started today.
3. Focus on tackling the hardest things
Success lies in the hard things, not the easy ones. Obviously, if we could succeed by doing easy things, everyone would succeed. The truth is that only a few people succeed, because only a few people are willing to do the hard things.
- You’ll need to spend time learning new things while others are “having fun”.
- You’ll need to make those harder phone calls.
- You’ll need to face up to the possibility of being rejected or failing in an attempt.
- You’ll need to be persistent and keep fighting even when you feel hurt and weakened.
4. Analyse all the mistakes you’ve made so far
Let’s take a look at all our past mistakes, failures and rejections, not to relive the pain, but to draw out the lessons we can learn from them and, as far as possible, avoid making those mistakes again.
Remember that we learn life’s best lessons from the worst moments of our lives.
5. Read at least one book a month
Ideally, make it “productive reading”, and if you can read more than one book a month, even better. When we read a biography, I’ll say it again, we’re absorbing a person’s entire life in a few pages. If you read 12 biographies in a year, that year you’ll have absorbed the ideas, advice and thoughts of 12 people who in turn absorbed the experiences of many others.
That’s why it’s often said that most people live one life, but avid readers end up living a thousand. Have you ever stopped to think what would happen if you acquired the experience of 100 people who have already succeeded and put everything you learned into practice? Have you ever stopped to think who you could become?
It may be much more comfortable to watch TV than to sit down and read a book, but give it a try. Start with one book a month.
6. Become human again
Stop hiding behind social media. Most of your friends on social media aren’t your friends, and most of the contacts you make online are useless if you never get to have a coffee with them.
Get out, meet people, listen to their stories, ask them questions. Behave like a human being again. Put your smartphone away when you’re in a public place, smile and look people in the face. Observe them. Get back in real contact with the world.
7. Simplify your life
Some people deserve more of your time. When it comes to relationships, it’s better to have a few good ones and look after them well than to have lots of mediocre, neglected ones. Just as with your goals, focus on the most important people and start getting rid of the more toxic people who don’t add much to your life.
8. Invest in yourself and your needs
Putting yourself first isn’t selfish, because you won’t be able to do much for others if you’re not in good shape.
First of all, learn to respect yourself. Understand that you won’t always be a priority for others. Not everyone is going to love you, and you can’t even get everyone to like you. But that’s not your problem. As far as you’re concerned, you need to choose yourself as your priority.
Invest in your health: diet and exercise may be something we’ve neglected, and in the long run they’ll pay us good dividends. Remember that, according to scientific studies, a good diet and regular exercise can keep depression away and raise your happiness levels.
Invest in knowledge and skills too, such as learning to speak in public or improving your public speaking skills. These skills turn out to be very useful in all areas of your life, especially in business and in your career.
9. Learn to say “no”
Saying “yes” to everything means letting everyone control your life, and so you can lose control of the ship. If you feel you never have time for yourself, or that you spend many hours on a task without seeing results, you’re very probably saying “yes” to too many things.
Learning to say no has become an art not everyone can master. No to commitments we say yes to. No to distractions that waste your time. In short, stop saying yes when you really want to say no. You need to set certain boundaries so that people and situations don’t take advantage of you.
10. Stay away from unnecessary drama
Once again, learn to simplify. If you’re not wanted in a relationship, get out of it immediately. Do it quickly and without looking back. If something doesn’t make you happy, don’t stay there. If something gives you more anxiety than pleasure, walk away.
Stop getting into unnecessary conflicts, too. If you can’t say something kind to someone, better not to say anything at all. Stop getting into pointless arguments on Facebook. Stop wasting energy on arguments that don’t help you grow as a person.
If something isn’t doing you good, it’s doing you harm. If something isn’t adding to your life, it’s taking away from it. If something isn’t helping you, it’s hurting you. It’s that simple, and deep down you know it.
11. Forgive certain people, but don’t forget
Sometimes you have to know how to forgive in order to keep moving forward in life. Not necessarily because those people deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Just make sure you forgive without repeating the mistake.
At a given moment, and depending on the circumstances, there’s nothing wrong with saying: “I forgive you, but I don’t want to hear from you again, at least for now.”
12. Let go so you can welcome in
To put it another way: “Say goodbye to some people so you can say ‘hello, welcome to my life’ to others.”
Not everyone will stay in our lives. Learn to let them go. In fact, invite some people to leave your life. Deal with certain losses quickly. When it comes to romantic relationships, suffering some pain today is the surest sign of joy tomorrow.
An empty suitcase has room for many more good things than one packed with bad things. To let a special person in, we sometimes have to let a toxic person out. Don’t waste too much time on people who don’t deserve it. Invite the people who deserve it into your life.
13. Get your finances in order
Finally, although we know money isn’t the most important thing, it’s usually one of most people’s biggest worries. As we always say, financial education often has much more to do with psychology and social behaviour than with numbers and finance.
Stop trying to impress others: our need for acceptance sometimes leads us to try to look like something we’re not. The quickest way to keep up appearances is to spend money we can’t afford on looking good. Stop doing that.
- Set savings goals.
- Save more and invest more.
- Learn about finance (read some finance books).
- Look for a way to increase your income (see some ways to earn extra money).
- Avoid debt.
For more detail, here are 15 tips for improving your personal finances.
14. Touch someone’s life
During one of the worst periods of my life, someone gave me this advice: touch someone’s life to make it better without asking for anything in return. Improve that person’s life.
Have you ever done this deliberately? Try it. Take them by the hand and help them reach a goal, teach them something. Give them your time so that their life is better. If you’ve never done this, I can’t tell you what your reward will be. Just do it. Today, in a way, I touch many people’s lives. And it’s probably the most rewarding thing I’ve done in my life, to the point that it has become a life purpose.
See also: This 21-day programme will help you be more successful, healthier and happier
Featured image: Krishna k. sahh, CC0 1.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
