Positive thinking won’t make the energy of the universe line up to bring you good things, as some books claim. But its effectiveness is backed by science. Numerous studies have found that people who think positively tend to enjoy better health and more success in life than pessimists.
That said, as a staunch believer in the importance of positive thinking, I’m also aware that when you feel bad, you feel bad, and however hard you try to think positively, you’ll still feel bad. You’ll probably have many moments when you feel emotionally and mentally drained, struggling to concentrate on what you need to do, and no matter how many times you repeat to yourself, “I have to be fine, I have to be fine”, the truth is that it won’t always work.
As the old proverb goes, “falling down is allowed, but getting up is mandatory”. So I’m also a great believer in the 3-day grace period. In other words, a problem (whatever it is) is allowed to knock you down for 3 days, but from the third day on, you should have come to terms with the problems that have no solution, or be focused on solutions for the ones that depend on what you do. If you’re busy taking action to solve a problem, the problem becomes an obstacle to overcome, and so it stops being a problem and becomes a goal.
Since people often look for words of comfort that sometimes do us no good at all, we can turn to a more pragmatic kind of comfort instead. To begin with…
1. If you feel bad, it’s your problem, not other people’s
The other day I witnessed a scene that clearly shows how stupid we can be when we have problems. In a café where the waiting staff are always in a good mood, a waitress made a joke and the boss told her, “I’m not in the mood for jokes today”. The waitress’s face changed completely, and so did the faces of some of the customers. Within seconds, a bad atmosphere had taken over the place.
If you’re having a bad day, tough luck. It’s your bad day, not everyone else’s. You do neither others nor yourself any favours by passing your mood on to the people around you, because moods are contagious. So when you feel bad and you’re surrounded by cheerful people, let them infect you with their cheerfulness, and your mood will probably improve. If you’re the one spreading your gloomy mood, the very atmosphere you create will make you even more depressed.
(See: How to get over a heartbreak in 72 hours)
2. It’s not just you
It doesn’t matter what problem you have right now. Many other people have it, and many more have had it. You’ll probably even see people with an incredible smile on their face who could be going through exactly what you’re going through at this very moment.
We all have, or have had, moments of frustration, pain and sadness. And here we are. Taking comfort in other people’s suffering is a bad strategy, but remembering that there are other people who have the same problem as us and are dealing with it stoically is an excellent one.
In other words, you’re not alone in your problem, and your situation is no more important than anyone else’s. It’s simply similar. You’re not the first person to suffer because they’ve been fired, because their partner has left them, and so on.
3. It could always be worse
However bad you feel, or however much has happened to you, remember that things could always be worse than they are. In fact, sinking in the face of a problem makes us magnify that problem ourselves and carry it over into other areas of our lives. Don’t forget Murphy’s laws: “when you think things can’t get any worse, you’ll find out that they could”.
So take comfort in knowing that it isn’t as bad as it could be, but let it also serve as a warning, so that you’re clear that whether or not things get worse depends on what you do next. And remembering this will also teach us to be more grateful.
4. It always passes
Nothing lasts forever, so if you’re in one of those moods where you feel as if this period of suffering will go on for eternity, I guarantee it won’t, unless you enter that “stupid” phase and make it last forever yourself.
Remember that life isn’t linear; it’s a series of ups and downs. Look at it as if it were a game. Every problem, obstacle or difficulty is a test that life sets you to teach you a lesson, or to inoculate you so that you can solve other problems more easily in the future.
Remember, too, that there’s no light without darkness and no silence without noise, so thanks to those moments of suffering we’ll be able to appreciate and enjoy the pleasant moments in life much more.
5. It’s OK to feel bad
For those of us who talk about managing emotions properly and not letting frustration take over, going through a low patch can sometimes cause an enormous sense of guilt.
Feeling bad at a given moment in our lives is perfectly normal and natural. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be human. Personally, I’m a friendly, cheerful, positive person with a sense of humour. And there’s nothing wrong with admitting that there are moments when that cheerfulness and sense of humour have disappeared completely, and that at other times I’ve even had to take 100 deep breaths to avoid telling someone to go to hell.
I give myself permission to feel low, but whether through luck or experience, the low mood fades quickly because I know that getting out of it depends on what I do. Can you learn to control negative emotions? Of course you can.
Remember these five things when you feel truly bad, and if they don’t work for you, we’ll give you your problem back.
To go further, I recommend: 17 steps to survive the worst moments of your life.
Featured image: Theactivistuk, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.
