Editor’s note: This article was first published in December 2016, on 28 December, so the references to this year in the title and introduction mean 2017.
There are many skills we can learn, and among them are the essential skills, so called because of the part they play in a rewarding life and in success. Since a new year is about to begin, here are some of those skills for anyone who loves the “new year, new life” resolution.
See also: 5 valuable skills for the future ahead
1. Listen
We almost always hear, but we don’t always listen. Some people love the sound of their own voice and hijack a conversation, turning it into a monologue. Knowing how to listen is a way of influencing someone in itself, because these days people aren’t used to having a good listener in front of them.
Good listening closes sales and builds good relationships. And best of all, if you listen a lot, you may end up learning more than if you just talk and talk without stopping. Remember: two ears and one mouth; listen twice as much as you speak.
According to Richard Branson, that was one of the best pieces of advice he ever received.
2. Strengthen your willpower
According to psychologist Roy Baumeister, author of Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, we all have a limited amount of willpower. In other words, everyone runs out of it, so the key is to limit how much of it we use. See: 10 ways to increase your willpower and concentration.
To do that, we need to limit the number of decisions we make. For example, Obama and Zuckerberg, among others, have wardrobes with very little variety in color. Zuckerberg, for his part, almost always wears a shirt of the same color. That way, they’ve already eliminated the first decision they have to make in the morning: what shall I wear?
This is also why it matters to have established habits, such as a set schedule and even a fixed menu for the whole week. That way you don’t spend your willpower on “silly decisions” and can concentrate on other, more important ones.
For more on this topic: What you should know about willpower and decision-making
3. Stop procrastinating
Akrasia, procrastination, putting things off: these are the biggest enemies of success in any field and the biggest sources of unhappiness in a person’s life. Success’s best friend is called discipline, and disciplined people tend to be happier.
Saying you’re going to do something and then not doing it may seem harmless, but it isn’t if it happens often in your life, because procrastination is a problem of self-control and self-regulation that, over time, can make a person more prone to alcoholism and social problems, as well as depression.
The worst procrastinators say they didn’t do what they set out to do because they didn’t have time, but it’s their own procrastinating mindset that makes them constantly look for distractions to avoid doing the things that matter.
At the end of the day, the week or the month, they know what they should have done and didn’t, and worst of all, they know they could have done it, so they end up feeling bad about themselves and frustration sets in.
It’s a destructive cycle that needs to be broken as soon as possible, and it’s something parents can even teach their children when they’re small. If your child leaves a jigsaw puzzle half-finished today, tomorrow they’ll leave other important things half-finished. If your child commits to doing something and doesn’t do it, later on they’ll struggle to keep their commitments.
Related reading on this topic:
- How to avoid procrastination
- The akrasia effect: why we don’t do what we set out to do, and how to fix it
4. Manage your time well
We all have the same amount of time each day. Nobody has a competitive advantage there. What separates successful people from everyone else is how they manage that time and how many distractions they allow.
Warren Buffett: “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”
Learn to focus on whatever you’re doing in the smartest way possible. If you’re working, avoid distractions. If you’re having fun, avoid work distractions. Make this a habit, and remember that you can’t sign up for every plan other people have for you. Learn to say no, and no again, and stop doing things just to keep people happy.
5. Practice sincerity and honesty
Sometimes we aren’t sincere because we’re afraid that what we have to say might not go down well with the other person. Personally, I think that “uncomfortable sincerity” or “radical honesty” sometimes opens more doors than it closes.
I’ve always said that if someone is going to teach me how to do something, or if I have people working on a project with me, I’d rather they were very critical than flattering.
That said, some people use something they believe is sincerity, along the lines of: “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m a very honest person and I think you’re fat, bald, etc.”
If you use that kind of sincerity to disrespect someone or to point out their physical flaws, you’re not being sincere, you’re being a bit of a jerk.
To be clear, so there’s no misunderstanding: sincerity or radical honesty should be helpful and humble. Never meant to hurt.
6. Learn to negotiate
Why? Because you negotiate every day anyway. You negotiate your salary, you negotiate when you go shopping, you negotiate with the bank and with friends, and you even negotiate all kinds of things with your partner. And trying to start your own business without knowing how to negotiate is like going diving without an oxygen tank.
Take something as basic as selling a car. “I want €5,000 for my car” is something you hear all the time, but “I’ll give you the car for €5,000” closes more sales. And if you say “I’ll let you have the car for just €5,000”, you increase the chances of a sale.
7. Face your fears
If you’re afraid of public speaking, face that fear. The best way to face your fears is precisely to keep doing the thing that scares you until the fear starts to fade. Remember that courage doesn’t mean having no fears; it means doing it in spite of them. If you think you’re too shy to start a conversation with a stranger, talk to strangers until you start to feel more comfortable. There’s no other way to overcome fear.
8. Learn to manage your emotions
Controlling your emotions is one of the six areas you need to learn to master.
Our starting point is that we can’t control everything that happens around us, but we can control how we respond to it, or how much it affects us. It’s fine to feel sad, but not to stay sad all day.
It’s fine to feel really angry, but not to hold on to that anger, let alone take it out on others. Learn to control your own emotions and learn to break those negative patterns as soon as they appear. Believe it or not, it can be learned.
9. Reading
This habit couldn’t be left out. It’s one of the most important for success as well as for personal growth and development. If there’s something you want to do, someone has already done it and written about it. If you think you have a problem, someone has already written about that problem. If you want to keep learning, countless writers have written endless things to teach you. Make sure you read for at least 30 minutes every day. It’s one of the best ways to keep training your brain.
10. Take risks
Success lies in the things most people aren’t doing. If you want to prosper, you need to keep stepping outside your comfort zone. You need to build your self-confidence and become comfortable with risk.
11. Social skills
Social skills have proven to be more powerful than many other talents and habits associated with success. In fact, 50% of career success is related to social skills, while hard work accounts for only 20%.
See also: 6 social skills anyone can learn quickly
See also: Techniques used by people who learn a skill faster
