As you can imagine, there are plenty of clichés about almost every profession.
Accountants are no exception, with their reputation for being serious and boring, and for having a strange passion for numbers.
With affection and respect for everyone in the profession, here are 15 jokes about accountants that are best avoided at work (at least when the accountant is around).
Accountants of the world… please don’t hold it against us 🙂
15 short jokes and one-liners about accountants
1. When the accountant’s wife can’t sleep
When an accountant’s wife can’t get to sleep, what method works best for her? Saying to her husband: “Darling, tell me about your day at work.”
2. What is an accountant?
What is the definition of an “accountant”? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
3. A bad one
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax haven.
4. Accountants vs. economists
Why did God invent accountants? So that economists would finally have someone to laugh at.
5. Accountant by vocation
When does someone decide to become an accountant? When they realize they don’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
6. Accountant joke number 6
Why is the accounting department one of the most human in a company? Because in accounting, everyone counts.
7. Whoosh
Look!! An accountant telling a joke… make a wish!!
8. This is not a joke. It’s actually true
What is the difference between a fine and a tax? A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right.
9. That’s going too far…
What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
10. Dilemma solved
Why are accountants always so calm and methodical? Because they have strong internal controls.
11. Two basic rules
There are only two rules for successful accounting in business:
- Don’t tell them everything you know.
- (This rule has been deleted.)
12. Too cruel
How does the accountant manage to liven up the company Christmas dinner? By not showing up.
13. They call it accountopause
How do we know when an accountant is going through a midlife crisis? When he asks for a bigger, faster calculator.
14. This one isn’t funny. Well, maybe a little
A single woman was told she had only six months to live. Her doctor suggested she find an accountant and marry him.
“Will that make me live longer?” the woman asked the doctor.
“No, but it will make those six months feel like an eternity.”
15. The challenge
If a politician and an accountant were drowning and you could only save one of them… which would you choose?
- Go to lunch.
- Read the newspaper.
Disclaimer: Personally, I do not approve of posts that offend the feelings of a particular profession, nor do I approve of jokes about accountants, economists or tarot readers. In fact, nobody should make jokes about anyone. What’s more, I think jokes should be banned.
What I mean is that if you see a post like this on our site, it is probably because I have not seen it. Had I seen it, I clearly would not have approved it. Or maybe I would, but since I never saw it we will never know. And by the way, number 14 made me laugh. I felt a bit guilty, because I insist that I do not like jokes being made about these things.
I even find it in rather poor taste, and I’m not even an accountant.
See also: 6 business morals drawn from 6 funny stories
Featured image: Jacopo de' Barbari, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
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