I wish each of us could have read, taken on board and applied many of the life lessons that follow. We would certainly have saved ourselves a lot of headaches. We might even have known that the thing making us cry at a given moment in life was precisely the best thing that could have happened to us at that point.
Many people tell us, “One day you’ll understand,” but the truth is that until that day comes, some of these truths can hurt. Others just leave us out of place, not understanding what is going on.
Ignoring other lessons can also lead us down the wrong path, a path that, when people often want to leave it and take a different one, they conclude it is already too late. Still, it is never too late to make changes, but as I always say, sometimes climbing out of a hole is harder than avoiding the hole in the first place.
See also: 17 hard truths of life
Here are 20 life lessons we wish we had learned as early as possible
1. What is bringing you to tears today is what will make you happy tomorrow
Many people struggle to understand this. I know it sometimes sounds like cheap philosophy, but if we look at romantic relationships, the fact that someone you were in love with left you today is not the end of the world. It is an incredible opportunity that person has given you to find someone who truly returns your feelings.
Great companies have been created because one day their founder was fired from a company. Today they are glad they were fired. Great loves have been found because that person was left by someone else.
Understand as early as you can that many “misfortunes” are blessings in disguise. Only then will you understand that some losses are gains. Understanding this is probably one of the hardest life lessons.
2. Right and wrong are subjective truths
What is right is right, even if nobody else is doing it. What is wrong is wrong, even if lots of people are doing it. Everything we think we know about life can change from one moment to the next, just as our perception can.
For example, it is clear that killing is not right, but if someone posed an imminent threat to the life of a person we love, and the only way to stop it was to take that person’s life, we would most likely end up taking it. In other words, we would do the right thing even though killing is not right.
In principle, we are not cannibals, and eating a travelling companion would not fit within our outlook and values, but in order to survive we might end up doing what we once loathed. Just ask the 16 people who survived the plane crash of 13 October 1972 in the Andes by eating human flesh. Specifically, by eating their own companions.
3. Gambling your physical and mental health to chase wealth is a bad deal
Take a hundred people who are fighting cancer right now. You will see that none of them is worried about chasing wealth at the moment. They are fighting to keep their most important asset: their health and their life.
Look after your body and your diet. Look after your brain. There is no point in living if the life you lead doesn’t make you happy. If you spend a lot of time on something you don’t like, consider changing your life before change becomes harder. As Bill Gates puts it, we are not trees, so if you don’t like what you do and where you are right now, move.
4. But money does matter
One thing doesn’t rule out the other. You will need to make money. And indeed, wealth won’t make you happier, but financial freedom will. Fewer worries and more independence. Perhaps not more happiness, but fewer of the problems that a lack of money brings and that can make you unhappy.
5. People die, people drift away, people let you down; people are people
Most of the people you know will not be around one day. No matter how tightly you cling to other people, some will die, and others will leave you even though you want them to stay by your side. In the same way, we also leave other people’s lives. That is the cycle of life. We are all people. So it is pointless to stress about the future. All that matters is what we do here and now, at this very moment.
6. Action is the best antidote to fear
Some people think brave people are the ones who feel no fear, but that is not true. Brave people are afraid too, but they act in spite of their fear. The coward is sometimes paralysed by fear. So if you plan to do something, do it. And if you are afraid, do it anyway. Fears fade as we face them. They grow as we turn our backs on them.
7. Time is the most valuable resource
The good thing about the “time factor” is that we all have the same amount. Nobody can gain a competitive advantage here, because the day has 24 hours for everyone. One thing you should know about time, and that many people forget, is that it never stops. It always moves forward, and it gives no refunds or second chances for time already gone.
How you spend it is up to you. Some people waste time while others make the most of it. Start analysing how you spend the hours of your day and, above all, pay attention to how many hours a day you lose on WhatsApp and Facebook.
8. Think before you act. Don’t be an idiot
Some people must have read strange books or watched films whose message is “think with your heart”. Let me tell you a secret: there is no such thing as thinking with your heart. You think with your head, and it is your head that will get you into trouble or make good decisions.
I know it’s fashionable to say “let me fail, because you learn from mistakes”, but as I always say, making a decision while knowing you are getting it wrong isn’t brave; it’s stupid. Some small decisions can have severe consequences.
Examples: a guy is in a pub with his partner, and the local drunk is picking on them. In principle, he has two ways out:
- Leave.
- Confront the drunk.
If we think with our heads, I call this kind of character a “ruin-seeker”, because you already know that once it comes to a confrontation you may end up either in hospital or at the police station.
But you often let pride take over:
“Nobody disrespects me and my partner.” You get into a scuffle with the drunk, one bad punch, one bad fall, and you will lose years of your life in prison or paying him a monthly allowance.
A 17-year-old girl starts going out with a real piece of work. She ignores everyone telling her that he is trouble. She thinks with her heart. She gets pregnant by him and is drawn into a spiral of abuse that she finds hard to escape. And even if she gets out, she will be tied to him for life, because he is her child’s father.
These are small decisions that can harm you for life. By the way, both examples are real cases involving people I know. Always think about the consequences of your actions. People will call you cold for not thinking with your heart, but it is the smartest thing to do.
9. Let’s talk about alcohol
If Al Capone could rise from the grave and discover that the very thing he was once hunted down for is now part of our daily routine and sold legally in shops, I think he would be stunned.
In a previous article on the most dangerous and harmful drugs, alcohol came out on top by far, ahead of heroin, cocaine and amphetamines.
Alcohol affects our judgement
It causes irreversible neuronal damage and impairs our cognitive ability. And nobody is warning young people about many of the real dangers of alcohol, to the point that everything suggests our young people already have a serious dependence on it. We are creating an alcoholic society.
The scientific studies that talk about the benefits of wine and beer are often extremely manipulated. When people say red wine fights cancer, it is true, but it is also a lie. The property we are after in red wine is resveratrol, a substance found in grapes (in larger amounts in black grapes). In other words, it is grape juice that fights cancer, not wine.
Try this: drink no alcohol at all for three months, not even a beer with lunch. If you can’t manage it, that is your warning sign. Most people won’t try, telling themselves that since they know they could do it, there’s no need to try. And that is the same excuse a drug addict uses.
On to other life lessons that are no less important
10. The chains of bad habits
The chain of bad habits is too thin to notice the danger, but over time it becomes too thick to break.
In other words, we pick up bad habits without realising it, and by the time we notice and want to break them, it is already hard to do. Fortunately, ending bad habits may be difficult but it is not impossible; you just have to know how to tackle the problem intelligently. It is often a question of mindset: the aim is not to end the bad habit but to replace it with another one.
See also: 17 life and career lessons to learn in your twenties
See also: Want to change your bad habits? 6 reasons you might fail
11. The power of words
Words have a power we are rarely aware of. Not only the words we say to other people, but also the words we say to ourselves.
We should think before we speak and choose our words carefully. Our words can brighten someone’s day, and they can also cause irreparable harm.
(See: 9 simple, extraordinary things to say to people every day)
Likewise, the words we say to ourselves can change our perception of our own abilities for better or worse. Saying “if I pass the exam, we’ll go on holiday” is not the same as saying “when I pass the exam, we’ll go on holiday”. Telling ourselves “I’m going to try” is not the same as saying “I’m going to do it”.
I know some people will think this is nonsense, but neuroscience studies have amply shown that people who change the words they say to themselves tend to be more capable than those whose words “waver” in their brain. Perhaps that is why neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) has become more prominent today.
12. How you treat others
Obviously the ideal is to treat people the way we want to be treated. But we shouldn’t forget a few details. If you don’t like someone, there is no reason to be rude or less polite to them.
If you know someone has it in for you, greet them with a great smile. Invite your enemies to lunch and show them your best side.
And if someone is spiteful, show them kindness
Don’t worry, I’m not into the “Zen thing”. I’m the kind of person who swats a fly when it bothers me and I get the chance. Obviously, all of this is strategy. Envious and spiteful people are not usually very intelligent. Your happiness will be their pain, and their bewilderment will leave them wrong-footed.
There is a saying that “what Peter says about Paul says more about Peter than about Paul”, so when you have certain enemies, keep them close and treat them well. Sooner rather than later, onlookers will see who they are and who you are.
13. Chase your dreams relentlessly
Some say good things come to those who wait, but the truth is that good things don’t arrive on their own. Nobody stumbled on greatness by chance. So unless you expect to inherit an empire, you will have to start building one.
You will have to make sacrifices and prepare to face challenges, prepare for the possibility of failure, and find strength out of nowhere to keep going. Whether things go well or badly, make sure you have given it everything you’ve got.
14. Don’t trust the wrong people
Some people add to your life, your career and your success. Others only subtract from your life and drain your energy. Aligning yourself with the wrong groups of people can drop you into a deep hole. You can repair the damage later, but you will already have lost the time. On the other hand, aligning yourself with the right people can help you make a giant leap.
Remember that nobody succeeds in life on their own and that failure is often down to the people we surround ourselves with. How do you know whether a group of people is doing you more harm than good? If you’re honest with yourself, you simply know. Full stop.
(See: The importance of the people you surround yourself with, as it has never been explained to you)
15. Trust yourself
It is common to hear people who, once they reach a certain age, regret not having trusted themselves more, which is why they didn’t do many things. Now they regret not having taken the steps.
As a rule, a person is worth more than they think they are. You may not have all the knowledge needed to do something, but you have the ability to acquire it. You may not know how to do something, but by doing it, you will learn.
Keep this quote from Richard Branson in mind: “If somebody offers you an amazing opportunity but you are not sure you can do it, say yes – then learn how to do it later!”
Stop being afraid. As we said in a previous article, brave people are afraid just like everyone else, but they are brave because they do what they have to do in spite of their fears.
(See: How to have more self-confidence when you have no confidence in yourself)
16. Simple things work better
For some reason, human beings like to complicate things when they could do them more simply.
Do you miss someone? Call them.
Do you like someone? Tell them, plainly and directly. I have seen many people go round and round looking for strategies, waiting for the right moment, but this really is simple. If you like someone, you say “I like you”, and that’s it. Two things can happen:
- That person is delighted, and a wonderful love story begins.
- You are turned down, so you stop wasting time and can find someone else with whom that wonderful love story begins.
The truth is that most people put off speaking plainly for fear of rejection, which often creates an insecurity that triggers a self-fulfilling prophecy: rejection.
Do you want to do something? Do it. Now. Not tomorrow. Take the first step today.
17. Worrying is a poor use of energy
People tend to spend more time worrying about something than working on the problem itself. Often they are not even worries but invented ghosts. Did you know that some people have had business ideas and never carried them out because the idea was so good that it would soon be copied and they would be pushed out of the market? That, at least, is their version.
What happens in this kind of situation is that, on top of analysis paralysis, there is an excess of absurd worries.
Over time you will discover that many of your current worries took up wonderful energy that could have been used for something more productive.
18. You are the CEO of your life
If we are honest with ourselves, right now we are where our own actions have brought us. There was a time for blaming our parents, our surroundings, politicians, our town and even the woman next door. Deep down you know that you haven’t done more because you didn’t want to make an extra effort.
Today you know that a lack of knowledge is no excuse, because you could have acquired it. If you are stuck in a crappy job from morning to night, perhaps it is because you didn’t want to take a risk and get out of there.
If, as a woman, you are married to a jerk, it is because you chose that idiot. The same goes for men.
You can turn your life around at any moment. There is only one person responsible for your life, and that is you. So act, and you won’t regret it 30 years from now.
19. Things worth having take time and effort
Here we often hear the stories of people who one day quit their job, started their company and today have hundreds of millions in the bank. It looks easy, but it is hard to show everything we don’t see.
What we probably don’t see is that for a long time that entrepreneur lost whole nights’ sleep and turned down many friends because they had to get up early the next day. They didn’t take a holiday for two years.
People may even have told them they were crazy to embark on such an adventure. Today they are reaping the rewards of a period of effort that very few are willing to make.
“It could have gone wrong,” some will say, but it could also have gone right. And in fact, it did.
20. Moods are contagious
If you surround yourself with negative people, sooner or later they will infect you with their bitterness. Nobody is prepared to carry the constant weight of other people’s problems all the time. Try to surround yourself with positive people who want to enjoy themselves, to live and to do things. Choose people who are passionate about life, optimists who believe almost anything is possible.
Avoid the constant bombardment of negative news: wars, accidents, political clashes, crises and so on. Even if you think it doesn’t affect you, the truth is that it drains your mood.
It is a fact that optimistic people tend to get ill less often and are less prone to depression. And your optimism or pessimism depends, to some extent, on the circle of people you move in.
See also: Stuck and not sure what to do next? This story is for you
Featured image: National Photo Company Collection, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.
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